It took me many years to realize that it’s so much easier to be blunt and talk to someone about how you feel rather than stew on it for days on end. Sure, that approach was fun in high school, but as an adult, I need to get straight to the point when it comes to relationships. You have a right to know how a guy feels about you. Here’s how to ask him yourself.
- Choose a good method. If you ask over text, you may get stressed out if he doesn’t happen to see the message. It’s easier than doing it in person but much easier to misinterpret. Finding a time in person to discuss it is ideal since you’ll be able to interpret their body language in person. Based on how the year is going, that might not be possible. Do the best you can and make the best judgment on how you want to ask the big question.
- Ease into it. If you haven’t talked about your own definition of a relationship, ask him what he looks for in a girl. If the two of you are just friends, maybe you can hint that you’re wondering why you’re still single. Keep in mind, that may backfire. If the guy doesn’t see you as anything but a friend, they may be more critical in the hopes of helping you. Still, if that’s the case, you’ll know where you currently stand with him. Part of dating is also knowing how to handle rejection in a healthy way.
- Be casual. Don’t put pressure on him. It’s possible he’s not really sure how he feels about you and may be taken aback if you seem forceful. Try to put yourself in his shoes. How would you want to be approached by someone with similar news? You might feel like blurting out something like, “Well, do you like me or not?” but the response to something that bold may not be as sweet as when you see it done in the movies. You’re both adults. This is just another adult conversation.
- Stay confident. It’s really easy to talk yourself down when you’re nervous. If you start the conversation with, “I expect you to turn me down here, but…” or “I know I’m not like the girls you date, but…” you’re making yourself look like you need some reassurance on your worth. Don’t fish for compliments. And remember, nobody will dig a girl who acts like she hates herself.
- If you’ve been dating for a while, be prepared to get the question asked back. Even if you’re already in a relationship, it’s possible the two of you haven’t really chatted about feelings. If you’re going to bring up the topic, be prepared to answer it back. You can even start, by telling him you see a future in the relationship and wonder if he’s feeling the same way. Just keep reminding yourself that it’s okay to start this conversation.
- Remember that sometimes, guys aren’t good with subtle hints. While you may feel like you’re really throwing yourself out there and making it obvious you like him, he may not be really getting it. Even really smart guys often miss big clues. So, the best way to ask him how he feels is to be honest. Start with something like, “I feel like you and I are really compatible together.” See how he reacts. If it’s positive, then you can ask if he’s ever thought of you in a more-than-friends way.
- Speak on his level. Don’t rehearse a big speech, or use big words to try and impress him. This isn’t a production — it’s just honest communication. And if he makes you feel comfortable in his presence, it should be easier than you think. Also, make it personal and sincere. If you’re feeling out whether this guy is interested in you, big productions make it feel like you’re setting this up to become an Instagram post. If you really like this guy, you’d want a new relationship to have special moments between the two of you, not you and your social media followers.
- Prepare yourself ahead of time. There’s a chance he may not feel the way you want him to feel. And, that’s always tough to deal with. But you need to accept what he says back. Pat yourself on the back for taking the step, since it’s not easy to do. But, you can’t force someone into feeling the same way. If it doesn’t go the way you want, tell yourself that you at least saved yourself a lot of time. The more time you spent wondering how he felt, the less time you’ll have to find someone else who’s more compatible.