How To Ask A Guy Where You Stand With Him

­­It’s totally up to you if this is something you want to know, but perhaps the better question is why you need to ask in the first place. There are plenty of reasons why not having this understanding already tells you what you need to know. After all, being unsure of your relationship status is a sign itself (and a bad one at that).

  1. A relationship should be a partnership. You should be working on something together. He may look like zaddy, but you shouldn’t treat him like he’s everything to you and grant him permission to dictate your life’s course. He shouldn’t be calling all the shots while you just sit in suspense. No one should have that kind of power over you. It needs to be a mutual decision of how you’re both feeling about one another and what you see for your future together, not you waiting for his acceptance.
  2. People keep things open for a reason. If he’s hard to reach or inconsistent in any way, there’s a good chance he was already entertaining or had his heart set on someone else. He may like your attention and be considering moving forward with you while also keeping one foot in the door of his other options. You’re better than playing the role of the sixth man in his womanizing basketball game. Just pass the ball on that and wait until your someone’s only one.
  3. He knows what he’s doing. People know how they want to be treated, so he shouldn’t be oblivious to the message his actions convey. No one likes the hot and cold tactic pulled on them, so why make someone else go through that? It’s kind of pitiful if you have to keep explaining to him how he’s being dismissive of your feelings or unfair to a reasonable timeline. I’m not saying to ditch the whole thing if there isn’t commitment overnight, but definitely don’t allow your time to continuously be wasted.
  4. If a guy wants you, he won’t want to jeopardize losing you. If you’re not sure where you stand with a guy and decide on your own to start pulling away or end it since you never got a title, this should rest the case once and for all. We all make mistakes, but if he knows it will lead to you moving on, he should make an immediate change or at least want to discuss what the problem is and how to make it right. If he knows something is up and keeps acting the same, there clearly aren’t any stakes for him in what you two are doing.
  5. Guys actually move quickly when they want something. A dude can string you along for months only to pop up in a relationship with someone else three days later when you finally walk away. If he’s not making a move to make it official, he’s probably not that interested. He can wait for hours outside GameStop for a midnight Call of Duty release, so he’s not incapable of knowing what he desires. Don’t make excuses for him by wondering if he’s just normally slow to commit or has a hard time vocalizing his feelings. He’d do if it were important enough to him.
  6. It’s not good if your communication is already lacking. If you need to ask him such a basic question then you probably haven’t already been communicating. When you’re dealing with someone, this topic should naturally be discussed or come up in convo. It’s odd if you’ve been interacting for a while and having multiple exchanges without defining what you’re doing or what your intentions are for your future together.
  7. He’s not as confused as he seems. Confusion is a lie and it’s beneath you to think you should pitch yourself for someone’s consideration. If he’s talking to you at all he should’ve already started with the intention of getting to know you. If he decides he doesn’t want to move forward for any reason, all he has to do is communicate as such. If he wants you, he’ll know just the same way you’ll know the relationship is genuine. If either of you doesn’t have answers, then the connection is faulty. A solid relationship won’t feel like this.
  8. It could make things worse anyway. Guys have that whole macho-complex to deal with. They want to feel like they’re the ones leading things, they’re needed, and that changes are their ideas. He may already have it in his mind to spell things out for you, but if you jump the gun out of insecurity you might squash his masculinity and take away an opportunity for him to step up first. If he wants you, he will make it known anyway, but putting pressure on him to make a move before he’s ready can stall the process.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer