How To Ask For What You Really Want In Bed

Does sex bore you? Are you tired of never feeling satisfied? My only question is why do you keep putting yourself through this? Sex isn’t just about him. It’s about your satisfaction too. It’s time to ask for what you want bed. Who cares if it upsets him? If he isn’t a major ass, he’ll realize this benefits both of you.

Imagine not having to try to mentally push his hands to the right spot or grinning and bearing it as he does that weird thing to your ear. Sound good? It’s time to stop faking the big O and actually get there.

  1. Turn it into role playing. Guys have far too many fantasies about role playing. Try the classic student/teacher fantasy. You’ll be the teacher and tell him exactly what to do as the student. Have fun with it. He won’t even realize what’s going on and he’ll learn exactly what you like.
  2. Whisper it in his ear during sex. Be careful here ladies. Whispering “you’re doing that wrong” as he’s thrusting away is probably going to end badly. Instead, whisper how badly you need to be touched or rubbed or stroked a certain way. Use a sexy voice and he’ll be happy to oblige.
  3. Use positive reinforcement when he gets it right. I know we’re not all comfortable getting vocal during sex, but a guy needs some clue as to what does or doesn’t work. If you never make a sound, he’ll just assume everything’s right or everything’s wrong. When he does something you love, moan, scream, sigh or something. Even better, tell him just how hot his tongue on your thigh really feels.
  4. Show him with your hands. Masturbation doesn’t have to be a solo activity. Sit him down and tease him with some self touch foreplay. He’ll notice where your hands go and he’ll want to mimic your actions. Don’t be disappointed if he doesn’t do it right after you. After all, a guy can only handle so much teasing before he’s ready to explode.
  5. Physically guide him during. Don’t be afraid to get hands on. Maybe he’s close, but it’d feel so much better a little to the right. Place your hand over his and slide his to the right spot. Use some encouraging moans or a sexy back arch to show him how incredible it feels. Trust me, he’ll take the hint.
  6. Suggest new ideas before hitting the bedroom. Trying to ask for what you want in bed seems impossible when you want to try something completely new. How do you know he won’t like it? Talk to him about something you really want to try before he’s in the mood. He might have to think it over, but odds are, he’ll be willing to try at least some things. Start off small on this one. For instance, if you’re dying to add toys to the mix, start with something simple like a basic vibrator. You want him to try, not be freaked out by some strange alien looking thing with 20 attachments that looks more like a torture device.
  7. Be direct, but positive. No one enjoys being told they’re bad in bed. Tell him the sex is good, but it’d be even better if he tried licking there or squeezing harder there. It’s straight forward and you’re not blaming him for anything. It’s simple, but it works.
  8. Send him a video. Online sex is a wonderful thing. I know many women would disagree, but who cares. Let a video speak for you. Send him an NSFW video showcasing exactly what you want. Add a little note saying which parts you like best. He’ll pay close attention and be ready to try it immediately.
  9. Leave him dirty notes with details. Leave him dirty notes in his briefcase, on the bathroom mirror, in the kitchen and even in his car. Each  note should detail something you’d love for him to do to you. Want to make sure there’s no confusion? Take pictures of you doing those things and attach them to the notes. He’ll love it and you’ll get what you want.
  10. Make it sound like a sex dream. Guys seem to think they’re the only ones who get wet dreams. He’ll love thinking you had a hot dream about him. Just make sure this supposed dream includes things you really want him to do. Guys love the whole making your dreams come true thing.
  11. Flirt and tease him all day. Build him up until he can’t wait to strip you down and do any and everything you’ve ever wanted. Bring out your flirting skills. Tease him with how you want to be touched and how bad you need him.
  12. Ask what he wants. A little give and take isn’t a bad thing. If he’s not a selfish lover, why not ask what he wants? He might be just as hesitant to tell you what he needs. Ask him what he wants and share what you want. Then get ready for the hottest night of your lives.
  13. Suggest something that’ll please him too. Odds are, there is something you really want in bed that sounds like it’s more for his pleasure. Maybe you need deeper penetration. Suggest a new angle. You get something for you and he’ll think it’s all about him. This is great for booty calls or boyfriends you’re not planning on staying with for long.

Any guy worth having in bed isn’t going to get pissed when you tell him what you want. If he wants to be a jerk, then just let him jerk himself. It’s that simple.

Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.