This might seem like the most stressful thing you’ve had to do since you took your SATs, but have no fear. Despite all the hype in the media about that first date and outlining the ever-changing rules of dating etiquette, once you’ve got the actual proposition out the way, it’s easygoing. That’s the only part where you’re not sure of their feelings and if they’re interested. After that point, during the date itself, it’s both of your responsibilities to get to know each other and put the effort in. See what I mean? Read on for more advice on how to ask your crush out, no fuss no spills.
- Know thyself. It’s important to give this a little thought before shooting your shot for the first time. I definitely don’t recommend you overthinking it, but there’s a fine line between spontaneity and just acting on a feeling of loneliness. Make sure you know what you want out of this, whether it’s a relationship or just something casual. You obviously like this person, so you owe it to them and to yourself to do it right. Of course, you never know until you ask. Sometimes you just have to trust your gut and go in swinging, to which end…
- Be clear. This isn’t the time to waffle and um and ah your way through the big romantic gesture. Make sure that you keep a firm, confident tone, and don’t turn your voice up too far at the end of the question because you’ll betray your own insecurity. Know your own value and be vulnerable and that’s all you can do. If your crush is interested, they’ll appreciate simple language and a clear sense of how you feel. That will allow them to figure out how they feel and what they want to happen. We don’t need flowery rhetoric, long-winded prose, or self-deprecating put-downs. Stick to your guns and see what they say.
- Have a plan. Don’t just invite them over to hang, and try to stay outside of each other’s flats for the first date. For the setting at least. Meet in a coffee shop for a casual date, or maybe try a new lunch market you’ve been meaning to check out. I would save the dinner date for a second date just to keep the stakes low. It’s important to give your crush an out too in case you’ve misread the situation and they aren’t interested. As long as you do that, even if they reject you, it’ll be a pleasant and calm conversation, and at least you know. It’s one way to get hair on your chest, I’ll say that.
- Don’t pile on the pressure. For either of you. Just keep things casual and let the relationship flow where it wants to go naturally. That means everyone’s comfortable and more likely to experiment or take risks later on. Know your own value and try not to stress. We all get sweaty palms and we’ve all gone through the ordeal of asking someone out. You’re not alone.
- Read the room. If it becomes immediately clear that your crush doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, just swallow your pride and abandon ship. Keep things cordial and try not to get too awkward. You are allowed to just say, “Okay, thanks for being honest – have a good day” and skedaddle. Don’t feel bad, they’ll have taken it as a compliment. You were courageous to engage with your feelings.
- Cover the basics. If you’re feeling nervous, a way to feel in control of the situation is to feel in control of yourself. Shower before you go and brush your hair and your teeth. You will feel refreshed and clean and ready to put your best foot forward.
- Tell them you like them. It’s funny that so many people ask their crush out without actually telling them that they like them, or why they like them. That’s always really nice to hear, and will totally make your crush more likely to respond to your advances. It’s a more personal approach. It shows you care and you should always tell people when you like them.
- Know your boundaries. This is important. No one owes you a date, even if you think there were vibes there. It’s important that you’re letting someone in, but you’re also asking them to let you in. It’s a two-way street. Make sure you appreciate that when you ask your crush out. Confidence is key, but make sure you’re courteous around all the guys and girls you’re interested in.
So there you are, a few ways to feel more confident when you’re asking your crush out. Good luck!