How To Attract A Trustworthy Man

I know we all think we want a bad boy, but in reality, the long-term goal is to attract a trustworthy man. Try as we might, we all always end up going back to them, even though we get hurt in the process of finding The One. Here’s how to change your life and find a trustworthy man.

  1. Be trustworthy yourself. This is a classic case of being the change you want to see in the world, or “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The Bible had the right idea, apparently, because this is a great motto. To be deserving of a good guy, give off those good vibes yourself. That’s the foundation for a stable and fulfilling relationship because it’s equal.
  2. Define what you want out of the relationship. Do this self-questioning early on in the process so that you avoid wasting your time, or his. A trustworthy man will value his time as well as yours. He’ll really appreciate that you have taken the mature decision to assert what your specific expectations are of the relationship. It’s what adults do.
  3. Know and value yourself. You should always retain your sense of self within a relationship, and this is never more true than when trying to establish a long-term relationship. The first commitment you should have with someone should be with yourself. That’s a non-negotiable. To attract the right guy, you should know yourself and what you need so that you can help him help you.
  4. Assess what trust means to you. This might be a definition that varies person by person and that’s totally okay. However, you need to have this conversation to explicitly set expectations and boundaries. Love isn’t all spontaneity and passionate fights – a lot of the time it’s steady, clear communication, and evidence that you’re willing to put your ego aside.
  5. Reflect on your past behaviors. If you yourself haven’t been trustworthy in the past, then it’s important to assess that. Don’t blame yourself, but be open about it, and use it as a learning point for the future. To attract a trustworthy man, make sure you have come to terms with your past so that you’re ready to be in the moment.
  6. Think about what you want in a man. I know we want a guy we can trust but think beyond that. What else do you want or expect out of the person you’re seeing? It’s okay to put pen to paper so that you can think clearly and figure out if the person in front of you is meeting all of those objectives.
  7. Talk to a therapist. If you feel like you need to do a little personal work or introspection before you’re ready to have a relationship with a new man, feel free to see a therapist to streamline that process. A trustworthy man will see the work you’re putting into yourself and your future, and they will respect that.
  8. Give off green flags. By actively giving off positive, wholesome energy, you will attract a trustworthy man who will recognize those green flags. Don’t waste your energy on a guy who wouldn’t know a green flag if it hit him over the head – he will just teach you bad habits and lower your self-esteem.
  9. Don’t settle for less. This might seem easier than done, but it’s a valuable mantra to know nonetheless. Always ask yourself: is this right for me? That way, you know if you’re wasting your time on the wrong person, and will help you identify what does feel right.
  10. Know your worth. I know that this is what all the great self-help books harp on about, but they’re not wrong. The bar is on the floor for guys, so don’t mistake someone who is doing the bare minimum for someone going above and beyond to communicate well and support you. They’re rare.
  11. Set your dating apps in the right tone. This is a logistical point to be aware of when looking for dates online. Make sure you communicate that trust is important to you in your bio, and be open about that in the opening exchanges. This way, you can save time and get rid of the people who don’t serve you.
  12. Let friends you trust set you up. People who have your interests at heart will always have the best recommendations. If you’ve usually turned your nose up at blind dates, be open to it from friends who you trust. They will know what you need, even if you don’t.
  13. Ask him searching questions early on. While you’re texting or talking over coffee, don’t waste too much time chewing the fat or discussing the weather. Dig deep and establish how open he is and whether he seems emotionally available.
  14. See if he’s honest with you about his history. Often, if your friend has given you a debrief about him, you can use that as a reason to give him a test. See if he wants to talk about exes or his dating history, or the important things – particularly if you know the answer. It will be very revealing, particularly if you’ve been burned before.
  15. Be candid. This is the easiest way to encourage more trustworthy behavior from the man in your life. Set the tone yourself and don’t settle for subpar communication or support. This means that you have to be vulnerable too, not just perform it while actually keeping your partner at bay.
  16. Tell him secrets and see if he tells his friends. This option is a little more direct (and childish!) than the other pieces of advice, but hey, it works. This is a quick litmus test to see if the information you tell him is sacred and respected, or whether he would sell you out for a quick laugh from the guys.
Hannah has a Masters degree in Romantic and Victorian literature in Scotland and spends her spare time writing anything from essays to short fiction about the life and times of the frogs in her local pond! She loves musical theatre, football, anything with potatoes, and remains a firm believer that most of the problems in this world can be solved by dancing around the kitchen to ABBA. You can find her on Instagram at @_hannahvic.