Even if you’re seriously over your ex-boyfriend, there’s still a bit of a sting when he gets a new girlfriend. In your mind, you didn’t think you’d be that easy to replace. However, if he’s still a part of your life, you’ll need to learn how to handle the change like an adult. Here are some tips.
Try to get to know her.
The more she knows about you, the less threatened she’ll be. It’s important to be friendly and courteous. Try to plan something within the friend group and make it clear that you’re the one who’s hoping to coordinate the event. Sure, it’s possible that this girl may be a bad fit. But at this point in your life, you’re merely an observer. Your ex is an adult, and their decision are up to them.
Stay quiet when it comes to offering relationship advice.
That is, unless he openly asks you first. If he’s dating someone and wants your opinion, “she seems nice” is good enough. If you get any further and start lamenting over the fact that she’s not his type, you’re sending mixed messages. And if he keeps prying, you can tell him it’s uncomfortable based on your situation and all you care about is his happiness.
Work that snooze button.
Let him enjoy this honeymoon period without hearing from you. Snooze him on Facebook for 30 days. That time period will also give you enough breathing room to get used to the fact that he’s no longer single. Obviously, the two of you must have broken up reasonably if you still want to be friends. It’s a good thing to vanish for a little bit, just as a courtesy to him.
Try not to Google-stalk her.
I know this is a hard one. And, I know people do it all the time. It’s amazing to get a bit of insight on someone by Googling their name in quotes. But, you’re just looking for reasons not to like her. It’s like we’re programmed to do that with exes. Even if you’ve got a healthy confidence and are officially over your ex, you may still be wondering whether or not you were a better girlfriend. You should give her a pass and get to know her for real, as opposed to reading about her online. Of course, this is a little different if you and your ex have kids. It’s always important to have a good ideas as to who your children are exposed to.
Don’t send him any misleading texts.
Texts from exes are an immediate red flag to many people. However, they can be completely innocent. So, take precautions by proofreading what you say. “Can’t wait to grab dinner with you and the gang later” is much better than “Can’t wait to see you tonight,” even if they’re both in regards to the same situation. You don’t want to cause any extra difficulty. Be mature and prove to your ex’s girlfriend that your romantic history is in the past.
Show him that you value him as a person.
Romance aside, you obviously want to stay friends because you like him as a person. Treat him with the respect he deserves. Admit that any negativity may stem from jealousy, especially if you weren’t the person to initiate the breakup. If you still hold anger, a friendship just isn’t in the cards right now. Maybe in the future when time has healed some of your wounds, things will be different. But for now, he deserves the ability to move forward with his life just as much as you do.
Keep him informed about real-life changes.
Friends care about each other. And that’s why it may be a good exercise to keep him in the loop, especially if he’s grown familiar with your family. Keep him updated on your life, but don’t make it seem as if he’s needed to come save the day. With texts like, “you’ll never believe what my mom brought home from the antiques store” or “Just checking in to see how your dad is doing,” you’re showing him that your life is going on without him, but you’re acknowledging the time he invested. And, it’s showing him that you also care how he and his loved ones are doing. Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean that connections need to fully be severed.
Don’t try to find a boyfriend just because he found a girlfriend.
There aren’t any rules after a break-up. And, it’s not a competition. Don’t respond to his new relationship by trying to rush into your own if you’re not ready yet. That’s just a recipe for disaster. Take your time, don’t assume he “rushed into” anything, and enjoy being single for a little bit. Being in a relationship is great, but being single is a wonderful time to really get to know yourself.
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