It happens to everyone at some point. You fall head over heels in love with someone. Despite everything you do to get them to see you in the same way, they just don’t love you back. It might be because someone has hurt them in the past or they may be focused on other things. Their career might be more important than a relationship so they don’t give themselves the emotional space to fall in love.
Whatever the reason is, they don’t love you back, and it hurts. How do you deal with it? Here are some tips to learn to live with the fact that the person you love doesn’t love you back:
Understand that love is a gift.
Stop thinking of love as something you give out in order to get love in return. It’s absolutely ok to love someone knowing they don’t and may never love you the same way. You can enjoy loving them in your own capacity when you spend time with them. Loving them doesn’t have to be less pleasurable just because they don’t feel the same way. Love them all you want. Just stop expecting the feelings to be returned and be ready to love someone else when a more mutual relationship comes your way.
Know that over time, your feelings will fade.
Even though you love them with passion now, because they don’t hold you as highly as you do them, your love will decrease over time. Don’t pressure yourself to get to that point immediately. Slow down and it will happen. You’ll wake up one day and realize you haven’t even thought about them in days or weeks.
Stop planning your days and weeks around when you can see them. Go out with friends. Immerse yourself in your work. If your job isn’t that exciting, look for volunteer opportunities that make you feel good. Get involved with a volunteer organization and contribute your love in a different way. There are so many things you can do to get busy. Redecorate your house, take up a new hobby, take up an old hobby, reconnect with old friends and make new ones, discover fresh places to eat – the list goes on and on.
If seeing them on social media bothers you, hide their feed. On many social media networks, you don’t even have to unfriend or delete them. Just hide their posts for a while. Take a break from seeing their posts so you can focus your energy elsewhere.
Don’t make them the first person you call.
When you’re excited about something you used to call them, didn’t you? Call someone else now. You don’t have to cut them off but let other people get involved in your life. Family and friends want to know what you are up to and while you were falling for this guy you might have neglected them. So, just let his number rest for a while.
Don’t put the blame on yourself.
It happens. When we fall for someone, it isn’t planned. There’s a chance he may love you back. There’s a chance he won’t. Love is always a gamble. So, don’t give yourself the “I’m so stupid!” self talk. You’re not. You’re human. And you will move on.
Above all, the best thing you can do when you love someone who doesn’t love you back is turn all that love inwards to yourself. Self-love is the hardest thing in the world to get good at. It’s so much easier to beat yourself up and be hard on yourself. Start learning about self-love techniques. Yes, that kind of self-love can be awesome, but there are other ways to love yourself. Discover the joy of going out by yourself. Go out for a meal, roam the farmer’s market, visit an art gallery or anything else that you love doing. It’s nice to do those things with other people too, but when you go out by yourself and go to places you love, it’s a whole new experience. You can sit and gaze at that painting you love for hours with no one getting impatient and asking if you’re ready to leave yet. You can experience things the way you want to experience them.
There’s no doubt that finding out that someone you love is never going to love you the same way you love them is going to hurt. You will get through it though. Accept it, heal, grow, and you’ll soon move on. Remember that every feeling is temporary. Good or bad, feelings change so if you’re hurting, just give it time and you’ll soon forget he even existed.