No matter how bad your relationship has gotten, it’s important to maintain your dignity and self-respect when you finally put an end to things. After all, just because you’re parting ways doesn’t mean you can’t do so amicably. You’re not going to gain anything from being disrespectful or by creating drama, so to make it easy for yourself and your ex and break up with them maturely. Here’s how to do it.
- End things in person, not over a call or text. Anything important has to be done in person, and breakups are no exception. You may not want to have to face his feelings, but you owe him that much. You can text him to set up a meeting, but only reveal the reasons when you’re in the same place. It’s a difficult thing to do, but treat the breakup as a challenge that you both should overcome to move on guilt-free.
- Be clear about your reasons for breaking up. It’s important that you express your reasons behind your decision to end things with clairty. When you initiate the breakup conversation, be firm and blunt about why you’re walking away and don’t sugar-coat anything. If it helps, make a list of everything you want to say to him and when you meet, read them out loud if you don’t want your emotions to take over. While you shouldn’t be nasty, you should leave no room for misunderstanding.
- Take responsibility for your decision. This is tricky because it’s easy to play the blame game. Whether circumstances have forced you to break up or your partner’s actions have led to it, accept and acknowledge that moving on is what you want to live a better life. You know why you’re going solo, and if it can’t be fixed, a million promises will do no good. It’s wiser to move on now to avoid ending up in the same situation with the same partner, months later.
- Don’t give him false hopes of getting back together. Remember, you’re breaking up, not taking a break. If you’re sure you need to end the relationship, don’t give him false hopes of getting back together by leaving things open-ended. It’s unfair to make him think that you’ll change your mind and take him back. Sure, you might cross each other’s paths sometime in the future, but for now, it’s in your best interest to wipe the slate clean.
- Don’t convert your relationship into a friendship. While it’s true that exes can be friends, it’s probably best to go no-contact, at least for a while, to avoid rekindling hurt feelings. Don’t let anyone tell you that an ex can be as good as a best friend. Sure, they know you as much as your best friend does, and maybe more, but their intentions are never completely in your best interest. The idea is to be able to look back and appreciate the relationship instead of reluctantly turning it into friendship as a way to cushion the breakup blow.
- Don’t try to make him feel better. It may come naturally to you to support your guy even after breaking up with him, but remember that the relationship is over. From personal experience, it’s never a good idea to be your ex’s shoulder to cry on. You should never be a part of your guy’s support system; it defeats the whole purpose of breaking up.
- Don’t shame or argue with him and keep it brief. You’re not here to discuss whether you want to break up or not, you’re here to finalize it so you can move on, so keep it short. Also, avoid arguing with him since you’re already breaking up and while you maintain your peace, don’t shame him. Shaming him will get you into another argument that’s not worth diffusing at this point.
- Say NO to breakup sex. Unless you want to confuse each other and play hide and seek with your emotions, refuse breakup sex. People claim that hooking up with a former partner is a fun way to remember how awesome things were and that it’s a great way to destress and bring you back together for one last time. Utter BS, if you ask me. If things were that awesome, why would you break up in the first place? Relationships aren’t just about how great you’re in bed, so hold your standards high and be firm when you disagree.
- Allow him to express himself. After you’ve shared your reasons for ending things, give him a chance to express his thoughts and concerns. Encourage him to ask questions and answer them honestly. If you allow him to express himself, he’ll know that you respect his feelings and are mature enough to listen to what he has to say even during the end times.
