How To Bring Back A Distant Guy Who’s Pulling Away From You

This is the article that no one wants to write, but I find that it’s sometimes better to sound things out in a safe space like this than to ask the person involved. That will come later, but for now, if you’ve noticed a change in your partner’s behavior and you’re not sure what you’ve done wrong, stop right there. It’s likely nothing you’ve done, and it’s all in his head. However, it does mean that conversations need to be had – here’s how to negotiate all the difficult feelings and bring back a distant guy before he’s gone for good.

Text him less.

If you feel him slipping away and your gut response is to try to chase him, that’s not productive. Instead, accept the space that he’s trying to establish for himself and use that space for yourself too. Don’t chase a guy that doesn’t want to be chased, that’s the number one rule of like, any rom-com in the late nineties. If you sense reluctance in any stage of the relationship and you have to start making excuses for them, take a beat. Maybe this isn’t the relationship you think it is. That’s okay, but you have to accept that first. And that takes space.

Go out with him less.

If you feel that you aren’t spending quality time with him anymore, or that he isn’t valuing your time, then stop wasting it. Don’t make it easy for him to waste your time. Stand up for yourself, and shake him out of his stupor. Maybe he doesn’t realize he’s disrespecting you this way, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior. Don’t reward him for making you question yourself by suggesting more dates. He needs to feel your absence and know that if he wants to distance himself from you, it won’t just be on his terms. These things go both ways.

Text other guys.

To put it crudely, show him what he’s missing. Even if he isn’t texting you as much he will still inevitably show up at the top of your story views on Instagram. Use that to your advantage. Don’t let him admire you from afar without putting the work in. Go on a date with another guy, hang out with your friends – keep your options open. You don’t have to be discrete about it, either.

Change your hair.

This is a very obvious and fun way to change things up, but it goes both ways. You get to dazzle him with your new look, but you also get to feel good about yourself. Taking control of your hair in this small way – be it getting bangs or highlights – means that you will be more likely to take ownership of the relationships in your life. Assert yourself. Live for the now, and be direct with your newfound confidence when you interact with an emotionally distant man.

Communicate clearly.

This isn’t the time to screw around with your feelings. Be honest and frank. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Send a text with a clear agenda and meet up with your distant man and try to see reason together. Don’t force anything, but make sure that you are clear and you say your piece. Don’t cop out because you’re afraid of being rejected. Fighting for your person is not the same as running after the wrong man. Know the difference.

Be bold.

If you aren’t being treated the way you want to be treated, acknowledge that. Don’t take being treated like trash. We’re all better than that. Be strong enough to know your worth and walk away. Sometimes distance is telling us something – there’s no fire without smoke, after all. That said, maybe it’s the age-old trope that he’s being mean because he really likes you. I know we hate it, but sometimes it really is true.

Reflect on your own behavior.

Think about the ways in which you might have contributed to this distance. Extend an olive branch of your own and try to repair these ties. You might also have some unexplored things to discuss.

Talk in a neutral venue.

This is a good way to refresh the channels of communication. Maybe you don’t think either of your apartments is a good location for a chat, and you’re probably right. However, it’s still worth talking out. The neutral venue will help the honesty flow as well as both parties feeling safe and heard.

There’s no hard and fast, permanent rule to get the intimacy back in your relationship. Reassess what it is you want out of a partner, and work from there. It might be that the distance is telling you something. Try not to take it personally. You have to protect yourself.

The best dating/relationships advice on the web – sponsored. If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You can immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here

The best dating/relationships advice on the web – sponsored. If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here



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