You were chatting pretty much nonstop and then… nothing. Radio silence. Should you reach out or take a hint? Cry yourself to sleep or head out for drinks with your girlfriends? Here’s how to cope when that guy you liked so much suddenly ghosts you.
- Stay silent. If you’ve sent a text or two, don’t panic. Resist the urge to call him 27 times and text him even more, not because you might drive him away but because you need this time to figure out for yourself what you want to do. When someone ghosts you, it really messes with your head and your emotions, so until you have your feelings under control and you’ve accepted that he sucks (or he died), put your phone down… unless you’re ordering takeout.
- Make sure you aren’t overreacting. Before you decide to cope with being ghosted, make sure you’re actually being ghosted. Has it been two days since you’ve heard from him or two hours? Before you freak out, take a deep breath and decide if this is a problem with him or a problem with you. A tell-tale sign the problem is you is if other guys you’ve dated have gone down similar paths. The answer should give you a clue on how to proceed.
- Allow yourself to grieve. Cry, lay in bed for a day, or watch sappy movies. Do whatever it is you would do if he actually broke things off the way a guy should break things off. Treat it like a breakup and allow yourself to feel sad that this guy you thought was going to really work out turned out to be a jerk.
- Say something… or don’t. After you’ve allowed yourself time to process (I’m talking days, not hours!), decide if you want to say something to him. Decide if you feel like its worth your time or dignity and consider how you want to be seen walking away from this situation. If that’s with silence, great. If it’s with a polite “I guess this is over—I wish you all the best,” that’s also great. And if you decide to text him “Screw you, Steve! Thanks for nothing!” then just make sure that you’ve thought about it and that it’s what you really want to send.
- Get back out there but don’t think two wrongs make a right. Go ahead and jump back into the dating scene but remember how much it hurt to be ghosted. Make sure you keep this lesson in your head the next time you’re tempted to just stop responding to a dude you know likes you a lot. If you can learn something from the situation you went through then it was worth it. Tell Joe you just don’t see yourself dating him and move on. See, that wasn’t so hard, right?
- Don’t give him a second chance. If the dude who went AWOL on you wants to make a reappearance in your life, tell him you don’t believe in ghosts and you’re not about to get haunted. Burn some sage (or whatever) and tell him to get lost. Although it’s possible he has a valid excuse, it’s pretty unlikely. More likely? He found someone he liked better and it didn’t work out. Don’t allow him to make you his second choice.
- Remember what makes you awesome. Whatever it is that you love, that’s what you need to focus on. Think career, your dog, fitness, or your hobby. Put your effort towards what you love and that fire will come back to you! Plus, who knows? You might meet Mr. Right at the dog park or during your next gym session.
- Don’t allow your self-esteem to take a hit. For whatever reason, this guy decided you weren’t “The One.” That doesn’t mean there was something wrong with you or even something about you that he didn’t like. It might just mean he found someone more compatible or it wasn’t the right time for him. If there was a reason he decided to ghost you? Who cares! There are plenty of dudes who would pick you for just the same reason. You aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea just like everyone isn’t going to be yours. Remember that you’re great and you deserve someone equally so.
- Keep your eye on the prize. He wasn’t the right one for you. Keep that in mind and don’t allow yourself to obsess over the situation too much. Any guy that’s right for you isn’t the guy that allows you to get away, and honey, that wasn’t him. Let him go.
