How To Create Your Own Chosen Family (When Your Biological One Falls Short)

How To Create Your Own Chosen Family (When Your Biological One Falls Short)

Family isn’t always about blood.

Sometimes, the most supportive and loving relationships come from the people we choose to have in our lives. If your biological family isn’t meeting your needs, here’s how to build your own tribe.

1. Identify your core values.

Before you start building your chosen family, get clear on what matters most to you. What qualities do you value in relationships? Honesty, loyalty, shared interests? Understanding your values will help you recognize kindred spirits when you meet them. This self-awareness is the foundation for creating meaningful connections that align with who you truly are.

2. Nurture existing friendships.

Look at the friends you already have, WebMD suggests. Are there relationships that could be deepened? Sometimes, family is already there, waiting for you to invest more time and energy. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and express your desire for a closer bond. Often, people are just waiting for an invitation to become more involved in each other’s lives.

3. Join community groups.

Whether it’s a book club, a sports team, or a volunteer organization, shared interests are a great way to meet like-minded people. These groups provide regular opportunities for interaction, allowing relationships to develop naturally over time. The shared passion or goal creates an instant connection that can be the starting point for deeper bonds.

4. Attend local events.

Farmers markets, community festivals, or local concerts are great places to meet people in your area. The relaxed atmosphere of these events can make it easier to strike up conversations and make new connections. Make it a habit to attend regularly, and you’ll start recognizing familiar faces, which can lead to friendship.

5. Use social media mindfully.

While it shouldn’t replace face-to-face interaction, social media can be a tool for finding and maintaining connections. Join groups related to your interests, engage in meaningful discussions, and don’t be afraid to reach out to people you click with. Just remember to take these connections offline when possible to deepen the relationship.

6. Be open about your journey.

Share your desire to create a chosen family with people you trust. You might be surprised to find people who are on a similar path. This vulnerability can lead to deeper connections and mutual support. It also helps set clear expectations in your relationships, allowing people to understand and potentially meet your needs.

7. Create traditions.

Families often bond over shared traditions. Start your own with your chosen family. Maybe it’s a monthly potluck, an annual camping trip, or a weekly game night. These regular gatherings create a sense of continuity and belonging that’s crucial for family-like bonds.

8. Offer support freely.

group of friends outside

Be the kind of friend you want to have. Offer help, lend an ear, celebrate successes, and show up during tough times. This generosity often encourages reciprocation, strengthening your bonds. Remember, family is about being there for each other through thick and thin.

9. Practice forgiveness.

No relationship is perfect. Learning to forgive minor transgressions and work through conflicts is crucial for long-term relationships. This doesn’t mean tolerating abuse, but rather developing the resilience to weather normal relationship ups and downs.

10. Embrace diverse connections.

Your chosen family doesn’t have to mirror a traditional family structure. It can include people of different ages, backgrounds, and life stages. This diversity can bring richness and varied perspectives to your life, creating a more robust support network.

11. Recognize and respect boundaries.

Healthy relationships require boundaries, Psych Central reminds us. Be clear about your own and respect other people’s. This mutual understanding creates a safe space for relationships to flourish without resentment or burnout.

12. Cultivate mentorship relationships.

Look for mentors in areas of life where you want to grow, and be open to mentoring people. These relationships can provide the guidance and support often associated with family elders, adding depth to your chosen family structure.

13. Participate in support groups.

If you’re dealing with specific life challenges, support groups can be a great place to find understanding and form deep bonds. Shared experiences can create powerful connections that often evolve into family-like relationships.

14. Volunteer regularly.

Giving back to your community not only feels good but also connects you with compassionate, like-minded individuals. Regular volunteering allows you to build relationships over time while making a positive impact.

15. Host gatherings.

Take the initiative to bring people together. Host dinners, movie nights, or holiday celebrations. Creating these shared experiences helps build a sense of community and allows relationships to deepen in a relaxed setting.

16. Be patient and persistent.

Building a chosen family takes time. Don’t get discouraged if connections don’t happen overnight. Keep putting yourself out there, nurturing relationships, and being open to new connections. With time and effort, you can create a network of loving, supportive relationships that feel just as strong as any biological family.

Phoebe Mertens is a writer, speaker, and strategist who has helped dozens of female-founded and led companies reach success in areas such a finance, tech, science, and fashion. Her keen eye for detail and her innovative approach to modern womanhood makes her one of the most sought-out in her industry, and there's nothing she loves more than to see these companies shine.

With an MBA from NYU's Stern School of Business and features in Forbes and Fast Company she Phoebe has proven she knows her stuff. While she doesn't use social media, she does have a private Instagram just to look at pictures of cats.