Let’s see you meet a guy and he’s basically everything you’ve been wanting in a partner. He’s thoughtful, caring, honest, and calls when he says he will. He’s also a mama’s boy. Wait! Before you run for the hills, you should know that it’s totally possible to have a happy and healthy relationship with a man whose love for the woman who gave birth to him is a little more than normal. Here are some tips for making it work.
- Endear yourself to his mom. When you’re dating a mama’s boy, it goes without saying that his mom is going to be a very important and central part of his life. If you want a good relationship with him, you need to have a good relationship with her. While you don’t have to kiss her butt or pretend you’re the ideal girlfriend, you should make the effort to connect with her and keep things cordial at the very least.
- Set clear boundaries. While you totally understand that his mom is at the top of the list of his priorities and he cares about her feelings and opinions, that can’t come at the expense of ignoring yours. It’s vital that you make it clear that while you respect and appreciate his mom — she raised the great guy you’re dating, after all — she’s not part of your relationship. She shouldn’t be a consideration in every decision you make as a couple.
- Ensure he pulls his weight. The problem with a mama’s boy is that he likely grew up with his own personal servant. His mom probably made all his meals, did all his laundry, never made him do chores, and basically made him feel like royalty. She might even still have been doing that when you guys met. Do not let him transfer that over to your relationship. You are his partner, not his surrogate mother. He needs to act like the grown man he supposedly is and pull his weight.
- Encourage his independence. One of the big reasons a mama’s boy gets a bad wrap is that they’re often very dependent on their moms for every little thing. They’ve grown so accustomed to having their guidance and help in every area of their lives that they’re not all that inspired to venture out on their own. Encourage him to try new things and to really apply himself to the things that interest and inspire him in life. It might be a little scary to branch out, but the reward will be worth it.
- Expect his backing. If you do happen to disagree with his mom on something, it’s completely reasonable for you to expect your boyfriend to have your back and defend you to her. If she’s picking on you, expresses a negative opinion on you, or you simply get in an argument, he should be on your side 100%, no questions asked. Unless you went into full-blown psycho mode on her out of nowhere and for no reason, there’s zero reason he shouldn’t be your #1 cheerleader to his mom.
- Put your foot down. If you find that your mama’s boy is prioritizing his mama over you and treating you like an afterthought in comparison to her, call him out on it. It’s possible that he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it and you communicating how you’re feeling to him will be enough to snap him out of it. If he is aware of it but thinks you’ll put up with it, let him know that’s really not going to happen. It’s up to you to enforce the boundaries you put in place.
- Don’t actually call him a mama’s boy. This is just common sense. Even though he might be one, he won’t want to be called one. Keep it to yourself.
