In a perfect world, you’d meet your boyfriend’s mom on a glorious sunny day and she’d approve of you instantly as fairies played flutes in the background and confetti fell around you. Unfortunately, some moms can be highly critical of their son’s girlfriends. No matter what you do or how many times you try to make peace with the woman, she remains very judgmental of your every move and seems incapable of having a pleasant conversation with you. Despite the awkwardness and the dread that this can cause, there are ways to cope with it. Here’s what you can do if you feel like your boyfriend’s mom hates you.
- Reflect on why she hates you. Do you swear a lot without realizing it or wear 10-inch heels in inappropriate situations? No? If you analyze every aspect of your personality and can’t come up with any reason why your boyfriend’s mom hates you, it’s probably merely because you’re her son’s girlfriend. It’s not necessarily anything against you personally, because nuts mommy has probably hated every vagina that her son has ever brought home. She probably thinks no one will ever be good enough for her precious little boy and wants to maintain her position as the most important woman in his life. Don’t let that impending Greek tragedy get you down.
- Never instigate fights. If you know what sets his mom off, despite how tempting it may be, just don’t go there. It’s not worth it. It may feel satisfying to provoke her into a rage until she’s red in the face and steam is shooting out of every opening in her body, but you’re hurting your boyfriend more than anything. He likely wants you and his mom to get along, but when you’re constantly at war with each other, you’re trapping him in between the two of you. That’s the last place he wants to be.
- Be consistent. Sometimes, all it takes to win over your boyfriend’s mom is to treat her son well. Don’t play dating games to test his dedication to you, and don’t be wishy-washy or act like you could have any guy you wanted. Instead, be the kind of partner you’re looking for in return. If she sees you’re in it for the right reason and that you genuinely care for him, she could just change her tune.
- Avoid family gatherings. Family gatherings are not required; they’re optional. There’s no point in showing up to any of them if your boyfriend’s mom is going to make the entire event hell for you. Things will be even worse if she’s managed to get other family members on her side. You’ll be walking into holiday dinners with a giant target on your back, unaware of who hates you and for what BS reasons. Avoid those shindigs and don’t invite your boyfriend’s mom to your family gatherings.
- Don’t badmouth her to her son. No matter how much you despise the evil matriarch, she’s still your boyfriend’s mom. He probably knows that she’s difficult and understands why you don’t get along, but no guy wants to hear an incessant string of insults being flung at his mother. There’s nothing wrong with having a discussion about the situation, but firing off a “your mom” joke every five minutes is going to wear on your boyfriend pretty fast.
- Stand up for yourself when necessary. It’s not in your nature to stir up drama and make a scene, but you shouldn’t let your boyfriend’s mom walk all over you like a turd in a sandbox. If she thinks it’s okay to insult you to your face, put your foot down and show her that you will not tolerate disrespect. If she can’t handle your strong, elegant, womanly badassery, then that’s her problem and she can suck it.
- Don’t constantly ask your boyfriend to stand up for you. If his mom needs a behavior check, your boyfriend is probably the first one to jump on her, but you shouldn’t nag him about her attitude toward you. It’s nice when your man interjects and puts his mom in her place, but he shouldn’t be doing that so much that it becomes a burden for him. You are completely capable of standing up for yourself. You may not be able to change how his mom feels about you, but you can help him shut down her nonsensical babble.
- If marriage is a possibility, think long and hard about it. If you marry your boyfriend, you become a part of his family and you’ll have to deal with his mother for however long your union lasts (or doesn’t last). If you didn’t get along before, things probably won’t change. That can put a lot of strain on the entire family, your side included. If you aren’t prepared or willing to deal with that, then you should probably reconsider marriage. Don’t become another casualty to high-strung, ignorant, mother-in-laws.
