How To Deal When Your Ex Moves On Before You

The day you’ve dreaded has actually come: you log onto Facebook or Instagram and see that your ex who broke your heart a few weeks or months ago is now dating someone new. Seeing him move on before you can be confusing and even kind of depressing. Here’s what to keep in mind so you don’t allow him to set you back.

  1. It’s okay to be pissed. Really, you’re not a robot. You can go ahead and feel angry or depressed because your ex moved on faster than you. It doesn’t matter if your best friend tells you this is your ego talking. Let it talk! Get those feelings out. Are they all out? Good. Now you can start to think more clearly.
  2. Avoid feeling FOMO. One of the things you shouldn’t allow yourself to feel or wallow in is the fear of missing out. You might think, “What if he’s nicer as a boyfriend now and I’m never going to be able to experience that?” or “What if he’s nicer to his new girlfriend than he was to me?” The truth is, people usually don’t change. They repeat their behavior and you’re better off without it.
  3. Remind yourself you’re better off. Seriously, as happy as he and his new girlfriend look on social media, you’re so much better off! It’s time to pull up those old ex-files and remember why you guys broke up in the first place so you can see that you’re in a much better place than you were when you were dating that guy.
  4. Don’t compare yourself to her. It can be tempting to view his new GF’s social media profiles and see what she’s all about. You might start comparing yourself to her, thinking about where you fall short. Don’t do it! You can’t compare yourself to her or anyone. You have your strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else. Why beat yourself up? You don’t deserve that.
  5. Cut him out like a wart. If you’re still in touch with your ex and can’t really deal with the fact that he’s moved on, you should cut off all contact. Seriously. Every time you’re going to speak to him, you’re going to feel punched in the stomach when he talks about his new woman. If you don’t cut him out, you’ll cut out other opportunities for happiness in your life. It’s really not worth it.
  6. Think about what’s going on with him. Yeah, he and his new girlfriend look happy and in love, but let’s be realistic here. How on earth does someone move on from a relationship so quickly? Did he have this woman waiting in the wings while he was still with you? Did he just start dating whoever came along and showed a bit of interest in him? Hmm.
  7. Meet new people. Now, I’m not suggesting that you should go out and find someone new ASAP to take your mind off your ex. But it does help to broaden your horizons a bit and meet new people. It’s refreshing and can help you to see that there are lots of good people out there who are worth knowing – why remain stuck on your jackass ex who only brought you misery?
  8. Don’t assume you’re still into him. Just because you feel sad, angry, or jealous (or a mix of those and more emotions), it really doesn’t mean that you’re still in love with your ex. You might be, but don’t jump to that conclusion. Give yourself time to figure out where the feelings are coming from so that you can process them and put them to bed.
  9. Don’t be gloomy about your future. When you see that your ex has moved on already and you’re still single, it can mess with your head by making you think you’ll never find happiness. Honestly, that’s total BS! You never know what can happen in life, if you’re just open to its surprises. Your ex might’ve moved on, but that doesn’t mean he’s happy. Even if he is, so what? You can be happy too. It’s a choice.
  10. Remember, it’s not a competition. It really doesn’t matter that your ex has moved on. Who says you had to move on before him, anyway? It’s not a sign of anything, like that he’s better or happier than you. That’s total BS! Besides, you don’t need to date someone new to find happiness. You create it for yourself.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.