When our friends couple up, we say we’re just so happy for them, but a little voice inside of us is wondering: How will this affect us? We’ve all had that friend who becomes so obsessed that she spends all her time with her new boyfriend, and when you do actually hang out, guess who she wants to talk about? It can be more than a little irritating when a friend becomes so consumed by the new boy in her life, but you can get through this trying time with your friendship still intact.
- Cut her some slack. This is definitely the last thing you want to do when your friend is talking your ear off about this guy. But you know that you’ve been in her shoes at least once, so remember that and realize that this phase will (hopefully) go away soon.
- Tell her what she wants to hear. She’s talking about him so much because she’s insecure about the new relationship and wants to make sure everything sounds okay. You’ve been there, right? So think about what you want to hear when you’re the one with a new guy whose good morning texts are making you grin so much. No matter how tempting it is to roll your eyes when you have to hear about yet another cute thing he said, tell your BFF that yes, it’s totally cute. She needs your support, so give it to her. You guys care about each other, so don’t jeopardize that unconditional love.
- Accept it. There are some girls who get obsessed in the honeymoon period and there are other girls who let their boyfriends become their everything even a year or two into the relationship. You most likely know which one your friend is by now, and you probably know that there’s no point trying to change her. If your friendship is going to remain intact, you’re just going to have to accept that sometimes when you’re almost done dinner, she invites her boyfriend to stop by and walk her home. One of my friends does this every single time and you can’t hang out at her place without him stopping by, but I’m not about to ruin our friendship over it.
- Ask for some girl time. While you definitely can’t say, “I hate your new boyfriend and it’s super annoying how you can’t shut up about him,” you can definitely mention that you would love a girls’ night out or a Sunday evening with some wine and reality TV. She may be seeing life through rose-colored glasses right now, but she’s not going to forget that your friendship matters. And you can even joke about how she sees her BF a lot but you haven’t seen her in a while. She’ll get the message.
- Talk it out (with another friend, of course). You can’t talk to her, but that doesn’t mean you can’t confide in a mutual friend or even another friend who doesn’t know her at all. This is what girlfriends are made for. As much as we love to talk about boys, we love to dish about the problems we’re facing. You’ll definitely feel better after talking about how you feel.
- Give her some space. If you’re really struggling with this, then the best thing to do is take a brief time out and spend time with other friends. Focusing on yourself and your own life will make you realize that your friend obsessing over someone isn’t the end of the world. It’s just a minor blip.
- Ask the questions you normally would. You probably won’t need to ask questions about him because she’ll be all too happy to tell you, but we all have a list of questions that we ask a friend when she’s got a new boyfriend. She’ll be happy you’re taking an interest. If you never ask her anything about him, she’s definitely going to get annoyed, so you might as well.
- Don’t act any differently. Of course friendships ebb and flow and things change as we get older, settle into our careers and find The One. It doesn’t mean we can’t laugh the way we used to with our best friend or tell them every single detail of our bad dates. Don’t be afraid to treat her like the person she’s always been (even if she does seem a bit unrecognizable these days).
- Be there for her if it falls apart. The last thing she wants to hear if things go south is “I told you so” or “that’s what you get for not having your own life.” We live through the highs and lows of our friends’ love lives and part of that means offering your support no matter what happens. And you’ll be pretty glad you didn’t end the friendship over something as small as a guy. Friends are forever, right?