How To Deal When You’re Not That Into Sex

Have you ever been completely into a guy, but when it came time to get it on, you just weren’t interested? A low sex drive happens sometimes, especially in women. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, even if your partner doesn’t understand why you’re not constantly down to get it on. In fact, a US survey found 38% of women didn’t have much of a sex drive at all, and medically speaking, it’s not even considered a medical condition unless it lasts for six months or more. Bottom line? It’s nothing to panic about. It’s normal and will likely happen to most women at some point in time – here’s how to cope in the meantime.

  1. Figure out what’s changed. Growing older, changing hormones (especially with menopause), pregnancy, high levels of stress and even relationship problems could all wreak havoc on your desire. Take a moment to figure out what’s changed in your life and if possible, find a way to fix the situation.
  2. Relax and don’t stress it. Pressuring yourself to suddenly want sex when you definitely don’t just makes the problem worse. Calm down and relax. Things will change, but not if you stay stressed out over it.
  3. Remember it’s only temporary. For most women, sex drive changes are only temporary. For instance, if you’ve just had a baby, your sex drive might plummet. After several months, your hormones even back out and you’ll be ready to jump back in the sack with your guy.
  4. Explore new techniques. When sex becomes routine, the problem could be that you’re bored. If you only do missionary and doggy style twice a week, every week, your sex drive is probably going to give up on you. Try some new positions. Be spontaneous and just have fun.
  5. Enter the world of sex online. Don’t scoff at your guy for watching sex online. Watching or reading something erotic could revive your dead desires. Explore the world of sexuality and you might be pleasantly surprised with what you find.
  6. Remind yourself it’s completely normal. I know I’ve mentioned this already, but I feel like it should be repeated. You’re not any less of a woman because you don’t feel like having sex. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you are.
  7. Check with your gynecologist for possible health problems. Some medical conditions and medications, especially anything hormonal, could be the cause of your problem. If your sex drive dies suddenly, it might be worth seeing your gynecologist to make sure you’re okay.
  8. Consider a sex therapist. If both you and your partner are having issues, make an appointment with a sex therapist. Even if it’s just you with the lower drive, a therapist might be able to help. Talking through underlying issues or having a professional suggest changes can drastically improve your levels of desire.
  9. Try receiving with no obligations. If you have an understanding partner, they’ll be happy to work with you to help you through this issue. Ask your guy to pleasure you orally, with his hands and/or with toys. Being able to relax completely and just enjoy yourself sometimes helps.
  10. Blame it on your hormones. A fluctuating sex drive is just one of the many things you can blame on your hormones. Think about PMS, for instance. One day you can’t keep your hands off your man, but a few days later, the thought of sex just annoys you.
  11. Spend some time exploring yourself. If you’re with the same partner all the time, you might just need something new. I’m not saying to go out and sleep with someone else. I’m suggesting you have some fun solo time. Try playing with some new sex toys while you’re man has a night out with the guys. Touch yourself in different ways. The idea is to take your time pleasuring yourself as a nice change of pace with no stress about pleasing your partner.
  12. Experience life outside of sex. Many women end up depressed because they feel like life is over if they’re not having sex. Sex isn’t an integral part of life. You can have fun and enjoy yourself without it. Take the time to try a new hobby or exercise more. The more your immerse yourself in other things, the more you’ll forget about your sex drive. Once you do that, you’ll be surprised at how quickly it returns.
  13. Ask for patience from your partner. Your changing sex drive doesn’t just affect you. You have to talk to your partner about this problem. Otherwise, they’ll think you’re pushing them away. Explain that you’re truly just not into it right now and it’s not their fault. Ask them to be patient. An understanding and decent partner will be patient and even do whatever they can to help. In the meantime, cuddle more or take day trips. Remember, you can still do things together without having sex.

Whether you’re 18 or 80, a low sex drive can happen. The cause varies, but the result is the same. Remember you’re more than your sex drive. Soon enough, you’ll be horny as hell, but for now, give your vag a vacation and try some other activities.

Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.