How To Deal With Difficult Emotions (Without Losing Your Cool)

How To Deal With Difficult Emotions (Without Losing Your Cool)

We’ve all been there, those moments when our emotions feel like a runaway train. Whether it’s anger, sadness, or anxiety, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and lose our cool. However, there are plenty of advantages to getting on top of your more explosive emotions. Here are some strategies to help you navigate those rough waters without losing your cool.

1. Acknowledge and name your emotions.

The first step to dealing with difficult emotions is recognizing them. Don’t try to suppress or ignore them. Instead, say to yourself, “I’m feeling angry,” or “I’m feeling overwhelmed.” By putting a name to your feelings, you begin to take control of them rather than letting them control you. It’s like a detective trying to solve a case; you need to identify the culprit before you can figure out how to deal with it.

2. Take a few deep breaths.

When emotions run high, our breathing tends to become shallow and rapid. Taking a few deep breaths can help calm your nervous system and reduce the intensity of your emotions, Healthline explains. Breathe in slowly through your nose, filling your belly with air, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this a few times until you feel your body relax. It’s like hitting the pause button on your emotions, giving you a moment to regroup.

3. Step away from the situation.

If you find yourself getting overwhelmed, take a break from whatever’s causing the emotional turmoil. If you’re in a heated argument, excuse yourself for a moment to cool down. If you’re feeling anxious about a deadline, step away from your work and take a short walk. Sometimes, a change of scenery is all you need to gain some perspective. It’s like pressing the reset button on your brain, giving it a chance to clear out the clutter.

4. Talk to someone you trust.

Talking about your feelings with a friend, family member, or therapist can help you process them and find solutions. Sometimes, just venting about what’s bothering you can make you feel better. Other times, you might need some guidance and support to navigate your emotions. Talking it out can be like opening a window to let fresh air in, clearing out the stagnant energy of your emotions.

5. Engage in physical activity.

Exercise is a natural stress reliever. It releases endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects. Whether it’s going for a run, dancing to your favorite music, or hitting the gym, physical activity can help you channel your emotions into something positive. It’s like a pressure valve for your feelings, allowing them to escape in a healthy way.

6. Practice mindfulness or meditation.

Fit young woman smiling at the camera while sitting in a yoga studio with her class in the background. Happy young woman having a workout session with her class in a fitness studio.

Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment. Meditation is a form of mindfulness that involves focusing your attention on your breath or a mantra. Both mindfulness and meditation can help you become more aware of your emotions and learn to observe them without getting caught up in them. It’s like training your mind to be a calm observer, rather than a reactive participant.

7. Express your emotions creatively.

smiling woman tying hair back in sunset

If you’re not comfortable talking about your feelings, try expressing them through art, music, or writing. Painting, drawing, playing an instrument, or journaling can all be cathartic ways to release pent-up emotions. It’s like giving your feelings a voice through a different medium, allowing them to be heard without having to speak them aloud.

8. Practice self-compassion.

Be kind to yourself when you’re struggling with difficult emotions. Remember, everyone experiences them from time to time. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling angry, sad, or anxious. Instead, treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Self-compassion can help you accept your emotions without judgment, which can make them easier to manage. It’s like giving yourself a warm hug when you need it most.

9. Write down your feelings.

Sometimes, putting your emotions into words can help you understand them better and gain some clarity. Start a journal and write down whatever comes to mind, without censoring yourself. You might be surprised at what you discover. Journaling can be like a safe space for your emotions to spill out, without fear of judgment or reprisal.

10. Challenge negative thoughts.

When we’re feeling down, it’s easy to get caught in a spiral of negative thinking. But those thoughts aren’t always accurate or helpful. Challenge them by asking yourself if there’s another way to look at the situation, Psych Central suggests. Is there any evidence to support your negative thoughts? Are you catastrophizing or jumping to conclusions? By questioning your negative thoughts, you can start to replace them with more positive and realistic ones. It’s like a mental tug-of-war, with you pulling for the positive side.

11. Practice gratitude.

Focusing on the things you’re grateful for can shift your perspective and improve your mood. Make a list of things you appreciate, big or small. It could be your health, your loved ones, your pets, your job, or even a sunny day. When you’re feeling down, take a look at your list and remind yourself of all the good things in your life. Gratitude can be like a warm blanket on a cold day, comforting and soothing your soul.

12. Set boundaries.

Sometimes, difficult emotions arise from situations where our boundaries are being crossed. Whether it’s a demanding job, a toxic relationship, or a friend who always needs something, setting boundaries can help protect your emotional well-being. Learn to say no when you need to, and don’t be afraid to assert your needs and wants. Setting boundaries can be like building a fence around your heart, protecting it from unwanted intrusions.

13. Seek professional help.

annoyed woman talkingn to therapist

If you’re struggling to manage your emotions on your own, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can teach you coping skills, help you identify triggers, and provide support as you work through your emotions. Therapy can be like having a personal trainer for your emotional well-being, guiding you through the process and helping you reach your goals.

14. Be patient with yourself.

Dealing with difficult emotions takes time and effort. Don’t expect to master it overnight. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your progress, no matter how small. Remember, you’re on a journey, and every step you take is a step in the right direction. Patience can be like a lighthouse in a storm, guiding you through the darkness and towards calmer waters.

Originally from Australia, Emma Mills graduated from the University of Queensland with a dual degree in Philosophy and Applied Linguistics before moving to Los Angeles to become a professional matchmaker (a bit of a shift, obviously). Since 2015, she has helped more than 150 people find lasting love and remains passionate about bringing amazing singletons together.

Emma is also the author of the upcoming Hachette publication, "Off the Beaten Track: Finding Lasting Love in the Least Likely of Places," due out in January 2025.