How To Find A Quality Man So You Don’t Waste Your Time

You’ve been dating forever and you’re over it. Now you’re ready to find a quality man (or woman) you can actually settle down with, but you don’t know how to go about it. It’s a tough problem, but a common one too! Here’s how to find a quality man so you don’t waste your time on the ones who won’t make you happy.

  1. Get clear on what you want in a man. There are a few universal traits that make up a quality man. But the ideal man will look a little different to each individual person too. So it’s important to get clear on what you want in a man. Someone you can travel with? Someone who can’t wait to be a father? A person with traditional values or progressive values? Once you know what you want, you’ll be able to filter out the people who don’t fit the bill.
  2. Deal with existing baggage you might have. Baggage isn’t necessarily your fault. But it is your problem, and your responsibility to work through. If you don’t deal with the baggage you have already, you could end up jeopardizing the next great relationship that comes along. For example, if you have trust issues, allowing those to take over your life can stop you from building a bond with the next quality man you meet. So it’s important to address any issues you have that are stopping you from being in a happy relationship.
  3. Work on self-love. Finding a quality man starts from within, in many ways. You attract what you put out to the Universe. If you know your worth, you won’t put up with people who don’t respect that. Instead, you’ll only spend your time on people who treat you the way you deserve to be treated. If you don’t love yourself and know your own worth, you won’t recognize when someone is treating you poorly. And it will be difficult to attract someone who sees your worth when you can’t see it yourself.
  4. Be open-minded. When trying to find a decent man, it’s important to know what you want. But at the same time, try to be open-minded. Be clear about your non-negotiables, like someone who does want children or someone who has a steady job. But don’t allow smaller details to confine you. Does he really need to have blue eyes? Is it crucial that he’s over six feet tall? Work out what actually doesn’t matter that much and commit to considering people who fall outside the realm of what you consider to be ideal.  After all, some of the best partners come in very unexpected packages!

More tips for finding a quality man

  1. Set boundaries and flag deal-breakers. This might sound like conflicting advice. But while you should be open-minded, also make sure you know what your deal-breakers are. If it really matters to you that your partner is of the same religion, then be honest about it. And don’t waste your time with people who are outside that religion. It’s equally important to set boundaries around what behavior you will and won’t accept. You can then weed out the people who cross your boundaries and only leave room for those who respect them.
  2. Be yourself. You won’t find the right man for you by being someone else. As tempting as it is to put on an act to impress, your best bet is just being exactly who you are. You might attract fewer prospects by not being fake. But you’ll also filter out the ones who aren’t right for you. The people you do attract will accept you for who you are.
  3. Follow your interests. In terms of actually meeting a quality man, a good strategy is to follow your interests and passions. If you love books and reading, your ideal partner is more likely to be hanging out at a library than at a nightclub (although he could be in a nightclub too!). By nurturing your own hobbies and passions, you’ll find your way to like-minded people. And the chances are you’ll eventually meet someone who will make a great partner.
  4. Be honest and don’t play games. Once you meet a quality man, try not to ruin your chances with immature games. Be honest and don’t play hard-to-get. That’s not to say you have to obsessively hound him or be overly available. But just be open about your intentions and where you stand.
  5. Be vulnerable. Being vulnerable can be scary when you’ve been hurt before. But you have to open up in order to build an intimate connection with someone new. If you are never vulnerable, you won’t progress with your quality man when you do meet him. While still trusting your instincts, don’t be afraid to give him your heart so you can move together to the next step.
  6. Understand that no one is perfect. Part of finding a quality man is understanding that no one is perfect. Every man you meet is going to have some kind of flaw, some sort of baggage. So don’t write off everyone who isn’t a masterpiece.
Vanessa Locampo is an Aussie writer who’s equally obsessed with YA fiction and pasta. Her time is divided between writing all the things, reading all the things, listening to Queen, and bopping her cat on the nose. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing and has written for sites including and Discovering Montana, and currently works as an editor at Glam. You can keep up with her on Instagram @vanessaellewrites.