How To Find Love Again After Your Heart Has Been Broken

While you should take the time you need to mourn after a breakup, eventually, you’ll want to get back out into the dating world. Dating after a breakup is scary and you’ll probably feel sad and maybe even a little anxious. However, don’t let that stop you! The only way to find love is to date and keep dating until you find your person. Here are seven tips to help you navigate the world of dating when you’re ready to jump back in.

  1. Take A Moment. Before jumping back into the dating world, take some time to reflect on your past relationship. I’m not suggesting you spend days playing the relationship over and over in your head, but take time to consider your ex’s characteristics that might have caused tension between you two. For instance, did your partner love debating while you hated confrontation? That being said, don’t just stick to the negatives— reflect on the positive characteristics of your ex so you can look for individuals with similar traits.
  2. Have A Plan. Everything in life is easier when you go into it with a plan, including dating. Keep in mind, that doesn’t mean you’ll end up following your plan to the tee, but you’ll at least have a roadmap. For example, maybe your plan will include waiting for three dates to get intimate. Or, saying “yes” at least once to a guy who isn’t your usual type. Like I said, plans change, but having one can make you feel more in control.
  3. Be Positive. Keeping your spirits high after a breakup isn’t easy. It might be something you aren’t able to do quite yet. If that’s the case, you probably aren’t ready to date again and that’s okay. On the other hand, if you feel excited about potentially meeting someone new, go for it! Just remember that it won’t always be sunshine and butterflies. Dating can be a nightmare, even more so after experiencing a breakup. Do your best to stay positive by remembering your goal, which is to find the love of your life.
  4. Don’t Talk About Your Ex. I’m not suggesting you lie. If the person you’re on a date with asks about your last relationship, don’t deny anything, but please don’t overshare either. This person doesn’t need to know about you and your ex’s sex life or the drama leading up to your breakup. Keep it vague and change the subject if you can rather than get into the topic more. If you start spending more time together and this turns into a new relationship, go ahead and divulge.
  5. Move Slow. We’ve all heard stories of people ending a long-term relationship only to find the love of their life one month later. I’m not saying that doesn’t happen, but that doesn’t mean you should expect it to happen. Instead of going all-in with someone you barely know, take your time to get to know them. Think of dating the same way you think about the hiring process — except you’re the hiring manager and they’re the potential candidate.
  6. Know What You Want. I mentioned above how you should take time to reflect on your relationship. One of the reasons for that is to help you realize what you need in your next partner. We’re all guilty of ignoring red flags or making excuses for bad behavior because we don’t want to be alone. However, that’ll hurt you in the long run when you’re married to someone who doesn’t make you your happiest. So be picky. Create a mental list of the characteristics you want and put them in order from most to least important. Keep that mental list with you while you enter the dating world.
  7. Be Your True Self. Some of us tend to change who we are when we’re dating someone new. We want them to like us so we adopt their hobbies and characteristics in an attempt to seem more attractive. Don’t do that. For one, it won’t work (your true self will come out eventually). For another, you want someone to fall in love with who you are — not who you pretend to be.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.