You dream of finding a partner to build a life with but so far, you’ve struck out every single time. You’ve been through a string of not-so-great relationships and even a few good ones that just didn’t work out and you’re starting to wonder if it’s ever going to happen to you. While no one can tell you how to find love definitively, it’s important that you stop doing these things to increase your chances of meeting your match.
- Sacrificing your needs You can never expect to find a healthy, happy relationship if you’re constantly downplaying, neglecting, or outright denying your needs. All of us have things that are important to us in life and in relationships, and there’s no reason you shouldn’t have your needs met. While your partner can never be your everything, if you find that they can’t or are unwilling to meet your needs, they’re not the right person for you. You’ll never know how to find love if you miss out on this vital step.
- Letting others ignore your boundaries Similar to the above but slightly different. If you constantly allow people to cross or ignore your boundaries without consequence, they’re going to get the message that they can do whatever they want and you won’t do anything to stop them. This is a recipe for disaster – and potentially an abusive situation. Set your boundaries and then hold firm to them. If a potential partner can’t respect them, they’re not worth your time.
- Expecting too much from people At the end of the day, we’re all human. There’s no way that one person is ever going to be able to meet all of your needs and complete you, and they shouldn’t have to. There’s also no way that you’ll ever go throughout life in a relationship with someone without them ever making a mistake, hurting you, doing something you don’t like, etc. While you should absolutely hold your partner to a high standard, you also need to have a little empathy and understanding.
- Trying to be what you think people want There’s nothing worse than getting to know someone, only for them to later reveal themselves to be someone entirely different. You’ll never find love if you’re always pretending to be the person you think they want rather than who you really are. Who you are is really amazing – let that shine!
- Desperately looking for love This might seem counterintuitive but it rings true. The surest way to guarantee that you’ll never find love is by looking desperately for it. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be open to finding it and that you shouldn’t put yourself out there, but rather that it shouldn’t be the be-all, end-all. When it comes, you’ll be ready for it. Until then, you’ve got a life to live.