How To Forget About Someone You Know Isn’t Right For You

Maybe you dated for a while and discovered you just weren’t compatible even though you really liked each other. Perhaps you were in a long-term relationship that was too toxic to continue. Whatever the reason for your split, one thing is for sure: it’s over. However, you’re still struggling to move on and leave them behind. If you’re struggling with closing this chapter of your life, here’s how to forget about someone once and for all.

Why it’s so hard to move on from an ex

1. You went through a lot together. If you were together for a long time, chances are you went through some pretty big life experiences together. Whether you lost family members, changed jobs, moved to different cities, or experienced any other kind of trauma, that bonds you. You got each other through tough times and shared so many good ones. That’s hard to walk away from or forget about.
2. They’re familiar and comfortable. It’s nearly impossible to forget about someone when they’re so familiar. You’re used to them. You know their quirks, flaws, and habits. Being around them feels natural because they’ve seen you at your best and worst. Leaving that behind isn’t going to be something anyone wants to do.
3. You’re scared of being alone. Admitting that it’s time to forget about someone means coming face-to-face with yourself. Once you’re no longer part of a couple, you’re on your own. For many people, that’s terrifying. While it’s important to learn to find comfort and joy in your own company, it’s a process that requires hard work.
4. You don’t want to have to start over in a new relationship. Shutting the door on your ex isn’t an attractive option when you realize that you’re going to have to start from the beginning again with someone new. You have to get to know a new person entirely from scratch and slowly work through those milestones you already achieved with your ex. Even the thought is exhausting.
5. You don’t want to regret not fighting harder. What if your ex is your person and you let them get away? The thought can cripple you and keep you from moving on with your life. You worry that if you say goodbye forever, you’ll regret the decision down the line. While that’s unlikely, it’s very hard to convince yourself otherwise.

Why is it necessary to close the book on old romances

1. You can never be successful in future relationships. Have you ever dated someone who clearly still had feelings for their ex? They swear they’re over it but you can tell there are unresolved emotions somewhere deep down. Don’t be that person. If you can’t forget about someone you’re no longer with, you’ll never build anything real with someone new. Don’t let that dead weight drag you down.
2. You sell yourself short by holding onto things that don’t serve you. You deserve better than a toxic relationship. For whatever reason, you and your ex weren’t meant to be. By refusing to confront that and handle it with dignity, you’re undercutting your own self-worth.
3. You cause yourself more pain by refusing to let go. Insisting that you have unfinished business with someone who has likely already moved on from you isn’t doing you any favors. Heartbreak hurts, so it’s only natural to want to avoid it. However, it’s necessary to confront your feelings in order to process them and work through them. By hanging on to something that’s clearly over, you’re only going to make that pain worse when you can no longer avoid it.

How to forget about someone for good

1. Cut off contact completely. It’s the #1 piece of advice you’ll hear because it’s the most important. Going no contact with someone doesn’t have to be awkward or mean. In fact, it’s a natural choice. You need to create emotional and physical distance between yourself and your ex so that you can start to detach a bit. If you want to forget about someone, remove them from your presence. “Out of sight, out of mind.”
2. Keep yourself busy. It’s tempting to allow yourself to wallow in sadness after losing someone you cared about, but that’s not helpful. While you shouldn’t try to avoid or compartmentalize your feelings altogether, you also don’t want to let yourself drown in them. Push yourself to get up every day and get moving. Go to the gym, focus on work, call your parents, read some books. Whatever keeps you busy is a good thing.
3. Do some journaling. Yes, you’re trying to forget about someone, but you don’t need to erase the memory of them from your life forever. Work through your feelings by writing them down rather than expressing them to your ex. This allows you to say whatever’s in your head and in your heart without the danger of being sucked back into a messed-up situation. You’ll feel better getting things off your chest.
4. Spend time with your friends. These are the people who know you best and who will remind you of who you were before your relationship if you forgot. They’ll hear you out if you need to rant about your ex but will let you know when you’re going overboard. Not only that, but they’ll make you feel like your old self again, and you won’t even think about your ex anymore in no time.
5. Work with a therapist. If all else fails and you’re struggling to move on and forget someone you truly loved, you may need to seek professional help. There’s no shame in working with a therapist to process your emotions and find better coping methods. A breakup should not control your life, so don’t let it.