It can be hard to gauge where you stand with a guy if he comes off as a man of few words or has a tough exterior. To connect with someone on a deeper level you need to get to a point where you’re having real talks and are somewhat exposed to one another. But how do you get your man to let you in like that if he seems quiet and/or reserved? Here are 8 ways to ease him into letting his guard down.
- Listen to hear, not respond. This may come as a surprise, but men can actually be chatty. It’s just usually not as natural for them to open up. Men expect to be the leader and may be rubbed the wrong way if you try to take over and make too many changes in their life too quickly. The best approach is to just be a friend. Show him that coming to you with his thoughts (no matter how bizarre or boring) and concerns is a safe space for him to be heard. You may not agree with or understand the way that he thinks, but if you show support with the little things you should gain his trust over time for bigger stuff.
- Tell him what’s on your mind. Another way to gain his trust is by showing him that you trust him first. If the conversation has never gone to a deep place before, he may think you’re just not up for that kind of discussion. If you start coming to him and being more open and vulnerable yourself, it could stroke his ego and confidence to know that you have that level of comfort with him. It may also feel more natural for him to share with you if you’re sharing with him or the convo may just take him down the course of opening up while you’re saying something he can relate to or advise on.
- Ask him how his day was. Sometimes when you’re just getting to know someone the conversations can feel like a game of table tennis. One person sends a statement/question ball over the net and the other person hits back. Sometimes the ball flies off the table and rolls on the floor. It’s easy for the flow of discussion to seem choppy or aimless and he may just let it go if it doesn’t take off and start moving somewhere. Asking a guy a specific question that shows you’re thinking about him and are concerned may be what is needed to get him to give you a real answer and start the back and forth match back up.
- Remember things he’s told you. Another way to stroke a guy’s ego is simply by paying attention. If he casually tells you what he’s eating from a fast food joint one day, a few weeks later you can randomly ask him how the Burger King #2 combo meal is tasting this week. Those little signs of remembering and valuing what he tells you will let him know you’re serious and not just out here talking to a bunch of guys for sport. If he believes he truly means something to you, he may ease into opening up to you.
- Give him time. A lot of guys really don’t have a biological urge to spill their beans to other people. It really may not be something he thinks of doing or feels any prompt to start. It especially may be harder for him if he’s been burned before by an ex. It may just take him a while to feel settled and comfortable with having someone to talk to in that way again. Don’t push him to do something he isn’t ready for too soon.
- Talk to him about meaningful things. You don’t want to be a dark cloud and always have some sort of complaint or gripe with the world to present to him, but at the same time if you make a habit of sending memes and GIFs all day he may never take you seriously. There has to be a balance between being “the homie” and being a confidant as well. Make sure to keep some variety in the tone of your talks so he doesn’t typecast you as one kind of conversationalist.
- Be supportive. Once again, you don’t want to come off as trying to “fix” him. But definitely be useful to him in some way- offer advice and assistance if he needs/wants it. Just try to present yourself as a partner or helper at his side, but without coming off as aiming to be superior to him. Remember that relationship goals are a power couple and not a surrogate mother to him.
- Be consistent and reachable. No matter how much someone likes you, the vibe is going to get thrown off if you’re flaky and not easy to get a hold of. There comes a point where hard to get grows old and it just seems like disinterest. If he knows you’re someone he can reach when he has something to talk about, he may open up to you as a default out of timing. People usually want someone to share news with and if he can’t reach anyone else that person may end up being you.