You want to have a deep connection with the guy you’re dating but you’re not quite sure how to accomplish it. Part of you is pretty sure it should come naturally but the other part recognizes that guys aren’t always as skilled at tapping into that emotional side as women are. Before you freak out, here’s how to get emotionally closer to a guy and take your relationship to new heights.
- Open up to him about the deep stuff. You can’t get emotionally closer to a guy if you’re not willing to get just as deep with him. It’s important that you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings with him and letting him in on your past, your struggles, and all the other stuff reserved only for people you’re extremely bonded with. Doing this could encourage him to do the same.
- Show him how much you care about him. It goes without saying that you should be doing this in general with your guy, not just as a way to get emotionally closer to him but to ensure he feels appreciated and loved. Offer up little gestures that illustrate your feelings, whether that’s cooking his favorite meal, offering to play video games with him even though you’re really not into them, or doing something else that you know will boost his mood and make him feel good.
- Never throw the things he tells you back in his face. If he does open up to you and tell you about the shameful or embarrassing things in his past, make sure you handle them with the love and care they deserve. Never use these private things as ammunition when you’re in a fight or disagreement, as it will immediately make him clam up and never trust you again. Not only that, but it will make you seem vengeful, spiteful, and like a pretty terrible person.
- Avoid pressuring him. While you might really want to get closer to this guy, you also have to let him come to you in his own time. I’m not saying you should put up with someone who’s aloof and disconnected for months or years on end, but pressuring him to open up when you want him to will have the exact opposite effect. Let him know that you’d love to know him more and then leave it up to him when that happens.
- Establish your relationship as a safe space. One of the best ways to get a guy to open up and let you get emotionally closer is to establish your relationship as a safe space. That means staying judgment-free, being discrete and not blabbing his business to all your girlfriends the minute he tells you, and generally making him feel loved and supported when he shares with you. He should be doing the same for you in return, of course.
- Spend quality time together. Sometimes closeness really does come without much effort or thinking and simply as a result of spending quality time together, enjoying one another’s company, and getting to know one another better. Try not to think about it too hard – if it’s meant to happen, it will.