How To Get More Out Of Every Relationship, Even The Ones That Don’t Last

How To Get More Out Of Every Relationship, Even The Ones That Don’t Last ©iStock/davidf

How many relationships have you been in that left you feeling like you’d wasted all your time and gotten nothing in return? All you want to do is rewind and get that part of your life back, which is impossible. But maybe there’s a way to make the best of a bad situation and get more out of your relationships, even the ones that go terribly wrong. Changing your approach to love won’t necessarily make it work out perfectly, but it will make you happier in the long run. Make each relationship an experience worth remembering, not regretting. Even if it fails, you’ll leave with something good.

  1. Always be yourself. Want to feel drained during and after a relationship? Change everything about yourself to be who your partner wants. Want to be happy and not waste your time on someone who doesn’t love you for you? I thought so. Just be yourself. It’ll make you happier and you’ll enjoy the relationship more.
  2. Say what you mean, but do it nicely. Quit holding back how you feel and what you think. Be honest. If you hate how they act around your family, tell them. If you want him to give you a little space sometimes, say it. Don’t be subtle and hope he gets the hint. You can fix issues and be happier together if you just say what you mean. Just remember, don’t be bitchy about it.
  3. Be silly. I hate seeing couples who take themselves too seriously. Have fun, act like a child sometimes. Don’t be afraid to be silly. Even if he thinks you’re crazy, you’ll be the one having fun. He can either take it or leave it. Why be miserable and bored in a relationship when you could let your inner child out to play?
  4. Think of yourself. You don’t always have to put your partner first. Yes, I said it. Be selfish sometimes. If you lose yourself trying to do everything for them, you’ll give out. It doesn’t just hurt you, it hurts the relationship. Think about what you want and need. It’s your top priority.
  5. Take time for yourself. I’ve been in relationships where it was apparently wrong for me to take two seconds to myself. That doesn’t work. We all need some space, even in a relationship. It gives you time to recharge so you have more energy for the relationship.
  6. Ask for what you need. Don’t expect him to know what you want. Maybe one day evolution will turn men into mind readers. For now, he needs to hear the words. Tell him that you need him to do this or that. It’ll prevent a lot of fights and give you both more time to enjoy being together.
  7. Ask him what he needs. You’re not a mind reader either. If you are, congrats, you’re far more advanced than the rest of us mere mortals. Ask him what he expects and needs from you. It’s ridiculous to waste time trying to figure him out when you could just ask.
  8. Don’t expect more than you’re willing to give. Of course you’re going to be disappointed in a relationship if you expect too much. Ironically enough, you get more out of a relationship when you go in with realistic expectations. If you’re only willing to put in 50%, don’t expect him to put in 100%. You really do get what you give.
  9. Open up, no matter the risk. I’ll be honest with you. Odds are, it’s probably not going to work out. One day, it will. Even with those odds, you’ll never get much out of a relationship if you don’t open up. Go ahead. Be yourself and give it your all. At least you’ll have made the most out of the relationship and won’t have any regrets later.
  10. Make time for the relationship. You have to give the relationship a chance to get anything out of it. This means making time. Put your phone down. Set aside time for a date night. Show him he’s a priority in your life.
  11. Let some things go. Compromise isn’t always pretty, but it’s a necessity. You could spend all your time fighting about petty things or you could let some small things go. Trust me. You’ll feel less stressed and enjoy the relationship more if you just accept that you won’t always agree on certain things.
  12. Try what they like. You already know what your life’s like. Remember that whole “experience” thing I mentioned? This is a big part of it. Let them introduce you to their life. Try out new things. Make lasting memories. Even if you break up, you’ll still get new hobbies, favorite foods and hangouts out of it.
  13. Allow yourself to change. Yes, you should be yourself, but every relationship changes you. Let it happen, but only if the changes are positive. For instance, if you used to drink way too much and spent half your week with a hangover, allow your partner to help you get away from that. Positive changes are a good thing and make you a better person.
  14. Be willing to end it when the time comes. I know it sounds weird to say you get more out of a relationship by ending it, but when it’s over it’s over. At some point, you realize you’ve gotten everything you can out of a relationship. When it’s just not working out anymore, go ahead and end it. Otherwise, you really do start wasting everyone’s time.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.