Getting over someone you love, whether it’s your choice or not, is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. There’s no miracle cure for it, and no way to speed through the painful process, but there are a few things you can do to make things slightly less painful. Here’s how to get over someone you love.
- Stop seeing them. The no-contact rule is one of the most powerful ways to get over someone that you still love. In the end, time is the only thing that will help your feels to dissipate, but seeing that person makes it nearly impossible to get over them. If you stop seeing them altogether, you’re more likely to move on without being overwhelmed by the sight of them. This rule also extends to talking to them or interacting with them in any way. Reconsider going to places where you know they’ll be, like a mutual gym. If you can’t avoid seeing them, for example, if they’re a co-worker or you have mutual friends, try to limit how much you see them as much as possible.
- Delete them off social media. Along with reducing your contact with someone you love, it really helps to unfollow, mute, or delete them off social media. Seeing them pop up on your feed can be just as destructive as seeing them in real life. If you continue to check in on them and keep up with what they’re doing, you won’t give yourself the chance to get over them. You could also consider taking a break from social media yourself for a while. Creating that distance may give you the opportunity to gain a new perspective on life.
- Stop talking about them. It can be really hard to stop talking about someone when you love them. After all, it’s only normal to want to talk about the things and people we love all the time. But if you’re talking about someone, you’re not getting over them. The no-contact rule also involves eliminating that person from your vocabulary. Try to stop yourself every time you begin talking about them. You might also like to ask your friends and family to point out when you talk about them, because you might not notice yourself doing it.
- Remove physical reminders of them. Moving on feels impossible when you have reminders of that person hanging around. Although it can be tricky, try to remove all physical reminders of that person. That includes gifts they gave you or photos you have with them. If it’s too hard to completely throw out gifts and memories, try moving them a place where you don’t have to see them until you’re completely over them.
- Listen to sad music. Sad music helps you to feel emotions that you need to feel, even though they’re not positive. Letting go of someone you love is hard, so it’s okay to cry about it. Sad songs, particularly when the lyrics echo what you’re going through, help you to get in touch with those emotions. Because you can’t properly move on until you’ve felt it all.
More ways to get over someone that you love
- Listen to happy music. When you’re ready, add some happy and inspiring tunes to your playlist. These will help you find inner strength and self-worth and realize that you can survive letting go of someone you love. It’s amazing how much of a pick-me-up music can be. And when you’re getting over someone you love, you’ll need a pick-me-up every now and then.
- Understand why you’re getting over them. Feelings are emotional, not logical. But you can still bring in some logical reasoning to help you get over someone. You can’t convince your heart to get over someone immediately, but you can convince your brain. Get really clear on why you have to get over this person. Are they happy in another relationship? Are they completely toxic for you? Whatever the reason, know that getting over them is the way forward and remind yourself of why that is.
- Lean on your friends. Lean on your friends during this hard time—that’s what they’re there for! Whether you want to talk about your feelings or just distract yourself, let them know that you want to spend some time with them. Let them cheer you up and be there for you. They might even have some words of wisdom from similar experiences they’ve been through.
- Distract yourself with a hobby. A distraction can be an effective way of getting over someone you love. Rather than trying to fall out of love with them, fill your time with something else entirely. This is where it can help to take up a new hobby, meet new people, or learn a new skill. Find new things to love.
- Find your self-worth. Finding your sense of self-worth is a powerful way to get over someone you still love. It’s possible that your attachment to this person is based on the fact that you don’t feel you’re enough on your own. So remind yourself that you are capable on your own and you don’t need this person to survive. It’s okay to let them go.
- Give yourself time. Ultimately, you can’t rush getting over someone. You can fall in love quickly, but it usually takes a lot longer to truly get over someone. Be kind to yourself as you go through the motions and try to give yourself as much time as you need to grieve the relationship. If you loved this person deeply, you may always love them, but their role in your life has changed,” says licensed therapist LeNaya Smith Crawford, LMFT. “You can absolutely love them from afar [but] the most important thing is to give yourself grace, honor your emotions day by day and give yourself the space to process for as long as you need