How To Ghost Someone When There’s No Other Way To Get Rid Of Them

We all know ghosting isn’t always fair. It sucks when it happens to you, but let’s be real for a second: sometimes it’s the only way to get out of the relationship for good, especially if you’re in an unhealthy or toxic situation that’s putting your wellbeing in danger. In such cases, you don’t need to give a moment’s thought to the person’s feelings. Here’s how to ghost someone and make a clean break.

  1. Ghost him if they can’t take a hint it’s over. You’ve tried to break up with them tons of times, but they always go back to acting like you’re still together. Ugh. After a while, this can start to feel like you’re hitting your head against a concrete wall or dealing with a delusional person.
  2. Ghost them if they’re aggressive. If you’re dating someone who’s got a crazy temper or has been aggressive with you before, the last thing you need for your mental, emotional, and/or physical health is to drag out a breakup. Figuring out how to ghost them is safer for you.
  3. Ghost them if your gut’s telling you it’s in your best interest. This person might not be aggressive or abusive, but maybe your gut is showing you red flags that you shouldn’t be around this person ’cause they’re dangerous. Like, maybe you might want to break up with them, but your intuition is telling you not to meet them in person for your own safety. Always, always, always listen to that voice!
  4. Ghost them if you’ve been disrespected. Has this person been consistent only in how inconsistent they are? Are they always playing around behind your back, talking sh*t about you, going AWOL, or disrespecting you in other ways? Ladies, it’s time to walk away – and no, you don’t have to formally break up with the loser.
  5. Ghost them if you’ve already tried to confront them. If they disrespected you in a huge way, or several times, and you’ve tried to call them out on it but that didn’t work, you don’t have to break up with this person. Why give them the respect that they can’t give you?
  6. Ghost them if you already have failed breakup behind you. If you tried to break up with them before and they totally lost it, threatened you, or just made your life miserable in some other way, you have every right to ghost them. No questions asked!
  7. Ghost them if you’re being catfished. Is there anything more frightening than chatting to someone who you later realize doesn’t look at all like the person in the pic they’re using on Tinder, or is someone completely different to who they’re pretending to be? Nope. Catfishing can really feel unsettling. You don’t have a clue about who you’re talking to, so don’t get yourself into potentially dangerous situations. Ghost the weirdo.
  8. Ghost them if you’re dealing with someone who’s legit crazy. Although we overuse the term “crazy” when talking about exes, this person might be legit crazy. If that’s the case, chances are communicating with them and trying to get yourself heard will fail, such as when wanting to break up with them. It’ll save you a lot of misery to just ghost them instead (and block their number).

Ready To Ghost Someone? Here’s How To Do It Safely and Ethically

Ghosting someone can make you feel uneasy or guilty. To rid yourself of these feelings, here are some tips that will ensure you can walk away without feeling bad about ghosting your date.

  1. Cancel plans with them before you ghost them. Just because you’re ghosting the person, you don’t have to be mean to them. If you had plans with them, you should cancel them instead of combining that with ghosting them.
  2. Consider a slow fade instead of ghosting.  Sometimes ghosting doesn’t have to be sudden. It might make more sense to slowly fade out of the person’s life, like by taking longer to reply to their messages and not being as readily available to see them. This will give them the hint that you’re checking out of the relationship.
  3. Cut off all contact if the person’s dangerous. If you’re feeling unsafe around someone, don’t let your feelings of guilt get to you or put you in a bad situation. Seriously, you don’t owe the person any excuse or reason for bolting.
  4. Don’t fall for their attempts at getting you to communicate. Sometimes, a person who’s difficult to break up with will try to find lame excuses to get back in touch with you as this gives them hope that you’ll still want to stay in touch or date them again.
  5. Expect them to throw some backlash your way. A person who’s ghosted might want closure. They might also become angry AF, so don’t be surprised if you’re getting voicemails that are filled with vitriol. Again, this could be a lame attempt at trying to get you to speak to them again.
  6. Stick to your decision. Go in with your ghosting M.O. knowing why you want to walk away with the person instead of having a traditional breakup. Know why you’re doing it and why it’s a last resort that you have to choose if you want to get the person out of your life. This will make it easier for you to stick to your decision.
  7. Consider telling the truth. If the person isn’t aggressive, abusive, or otherwise dangerous, and they get in touch to try to find out why you’ve ghosted them, you might choose to tell them the truth to give them closure so they can sleep at night. Be firm but kind, and don’t get pulled into a long, drawn-out conversation that will just keep them hanging on. Remember, though, you don’t have to meet up with them in person if you don’t want to or don’t feel safe.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.