How To (Kindly & Gently) Break His Heart

How To (Kindly & Gently) Break His Heart ©iStock/themacx

Spoiler alert: breaking up is never easy, but when you know it’s not right, there’s simply no other way around it. And if you’re anything like me, once you’ve reached this moment of truth, breaking up needs to happen ASAP.

Besides the uncomfortable silence and stares you’ll probably get from your soon-to-be-ex, breaking up is confusing and tricky. Plus, you never know how he’ll react. Will he yell? Become defensive? Simply walk away? There’s no way to tell, and there’s no perfect breakup recipe, but we have to remember that guys are emotional creatures, too. Whatever your reasons for ending things, make sure you do it kindly.

  1. Remember that avoidance (unfortunately) is never the answer. Many of us would love to end the relationship by either  distancing ourselves by making up silly excuses or just avoiding him outright. But it’s important to remember that your guy deserves to know what’s going on in your mind and has every right to the truth.
  2. Understand that it’s a two-way conversation. While you may have made up your mind that you two are breaking up, he’ll likely want to discuss it, and it’s only fair that you give him that courtesy. Allow him to process it with you by answering his questions honestly and respectfully — and remember to not be hurtful.
  3. Thoroughly explain the reasons why. Cheesy as it may sound, before the breakup conversation happens, write a list of all the reasons why you’re ending it. Make sure to get into specifics, because he’ll definitely ask! It may hurt, but the least you can do is kindly tell him the real reasons why you’re breaking his heart. The “it’s not you, it’s me” line won’t cut it here, ladies.
  4. Choose your timing wisely. While there’s no ideal time to say goodbye (why is there always a damn holiday or wedding?), you can control just how long you want the break up conversation to be and when it happens. While it definitely needs to longer than 10 minutes, a three hour long split is just miserable for everyone involved. Try not to pick a special occasion to break the news and make it as brief as possible.
  5. Don’t embarrass him in public. Make sure that you have this conversation in private space. Call him ahead of time to plan a date. Let him know that something is up without spilling the beans over the phone.
  6. Deliver the news honestly, but with compassion. Once you’ve patiently explained your reasons and he’s stopped his accusations, screaming, and/or other erratic behavior, it’s time to calmly and peacefully walk away. It’s important to end things on good terms with no bad feelings towards one another. I’m not saying that he won’t still be upset and hurt, but by this time, he should be coming to terms with the breakup.
  7. The finale — part deux. And trust me, if he really loves you, there’ll be a second set of goodbyes once he’s processed everything. Whether it’s a face-to-face meeting or phone call, it’s best to keep it short and sweet. There’s no room for false hope here.

It’s hard to be a heartbreaker — trust me, I know — but when you have to be one, do so kindly and gently (because karma is always a bitch!).

A lifelong writer, she hopes that her writing will inspire others as much as it inspires her to write. Through different and difficult life experiences, she feels passionate about helping others find their happiness through healthy relationships. While still single herself, she is open to trying all forms of dating which in turn helps feed her advice to other singletons. She is wise beyond her years and looks forward to touching the lives of others.