If there’s one big turn-off in this world, it’s a bad kisser. Worst still is if they’ve had loads of past relationships and clearly no one has told them! It’s something that makes you wonder what the guy is thinking. How can this washing machine technique be good for him? Surely it’s tiring. I’m being mean, but I come with solutions. Here is how to kiss a guy romantically if you’re scared that your technique leaves something to be desired.
- Make sure you have consent. A lot of people think that consent isn’t sexy, but I’m calling bull. I think there’s nothing sexier than intent, confidence, and compassion. This is a gesture that encompasses all of the above, and it goes a long way to making your partner feel safe and comfortable. This means they will be more happy experimenting and taking things further if you keep checking in with them. Trust me, it doesn’t lessen the surprise, and in fact, I always feel more special and cherished. It makes it feel like we’re not horny teenagers that just happened to make out, or were overtaken by emotion and hormones. This was a choice.
- Set the mood. You can’t kiss a guy romantically if you’re not in the romantic mood. This is the time to focus on the ways that make you feel comfortable. Set some candles up – otherwise, you’ll never use them. Put on some nice, relaxing music, but don’t let it overpower the scene. Wash your sheets and spray something nice and subtle. We’re going for effortless chic, here. Plus, most guys wouldn’t know self-care if it hit them over the head with a mallet, so they’ll appreciate the effort. It’s not our job to mother them, but we can sure show them how green the grass is on our side. If you want the lights off, then dim them to start with. Make sure you get rid of any unspoken rules about having sex or making out to suit you. You don’t even have to take clothes off if you want to keep them on.
- Read body language. If the vibe seems to be more sensual and slow, then don’t rush into manically making out. Just read the room and ease things up and down when it feels right. Shut out the rest of the world and focus on the connection between you two. Making memories, y’all. Just trust your instinct and if you try something that doesn’t seem to work, don’t linger on that, just stop and slow down. You won’t get in trouble for being bad at first, this is where communication comes in to help us all out. No one is born good at kissing, believe me. Take the pressure off.
- Use props. Or role play. If it takes being in someone else’s shoes to get you out of your head, then embrace that. Be yourself, or be someone else entirely. There will be no judgment here, ever. Sometimes you can kiss a guy romantically by taking on a whole other character, i.e. your naughty side.
- Find your own rhythm. If your partner is going a little fast for you, or conversely, if you want to speed things up, make that step yourself – that’s the main way to have an unforgettable night. We’re not mind readers. Figure out what you like and make that happen.
- Check you’re alone in the apartment/house. You’d be surprised how mood-killing it is when a roommate you presumed was in class walks into the kitchen to turn the dryer on while you’re making out in there. Hot stuff. Let’s get the basics right, people.
- Ask what he wants. This sets up great dialogue. Sex and making out aren’t generally silent activities. Lean into your feelings, and voice them. Even noises of assent and encouragement will ensure your partner is going in the right direction. There’s nothing wrong with telling them what you want and how. I always take it as a compliment, rather than an insult, because it means that my partner sees us doing this again and wants to get it right. If they care, they’ll ask.
- Experiment. Try things out, make it a safe space. Try a new technique or add a little tongue. Introduce food groups or lights or ropes – whatever adds the heat. Make sure you have safe words and always feel safe to scale things down. Have fun. It’s so freeing.
There you have it – kissing, demystified. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and give yourself space to make mistakes and improve your craft. We’re all in the same boat, after all, no one will mind!