You really like this guy and you get along great, but how do you know if he’s right for you? This is the sort of question that often only your gut will be able to know for sure. However, if your gut is sending you mixed messages, here are a few ways to know if you’ve actually found The One or it’s just wishful thinking. Get your clipboards and a glass of wine and let’s get going!
- You’re comfortable around him. There’s still a spark, but there isn’t any pressure to be dressed up all the time or covered in make-up. While simple date nights in the flat may seem boring to some, for you guys, just sitting in a tracksuit with a home-cooked meal is the most intimate encounter. Being able to just be in each other’s space is so important. It means you can still live your life around them, rather than being so caught up in them that you ignore your friends and put your life on pause. This ability to find charm and romance in your everyday life is gold dust for relationships.
- You find him attractive, whatever the circumstances. Not everything is about a person’s physical body, so it’s key that you find them endearing first thing in the morning, fresh out the shower, mid-fashion faux pas, and when he’s not strictly trying to impress you. The longer you know him, the more you will find unexpected aspects of him attractive, like a birthmark or his back muscles, not just the obvious things like his face or hair. You’ll have an intimate appreciation for him in a way that connects your memories and your future together in a really deep way. You’ll know that you are beyond surface-level attraction.
- You’ve met each other’s friends. This is a fun but often scary stage. Meeting the people in his life that are important is a very loaded moment. Just be yourself and think about the person you all have in common and you will be just fine. You’ll meet so many interesting people and it’ll get you all out of your shells.
- You forget to overthink. When you’re with the right person, you stop overthinking things to death. Armed with a sense of security and comfort, you’ll no longer feel guilty or anxious about the small things. By trusting your partner, you will share some of these anxieties and either resolve them together or experience them as a unit. Life, in short, gets a little easier to bear.
- There’s no jealousy. A relationship with a really rock-solid foundation will not have to worry about jealousy. It’s usually in the early stages of a relationship where this issue arises. This is because people aren’t sure where they stand or what the situationship might evolve into. Now, however, you will have boundaries and security. We don’t really have time to feel resentment towards the person we love, and it’s such a wholesome form of affection.
- You have great communication skills. This sounds straight out of a therapist’s office, but communication is so key to any relationship. Basically, you can speak your mind and unload the ins and outs of your day, but you also have boundaries. It’s essential to be able to communicate your boundaries as well as your expectations in a relationship. Doing this regularly with your man will set you in excellent stead for the future. You will also still want to sound off against your friends and family too, and that’s great. No relationship should erase the platonic friendships in your life, so wanting to hear from other people and their experiences can only be a good thing.
- Your personalities just work together. This can either mean that you are an ‘opposites attract’ kind of situation or that you both have similar understandings of what you want in life. Maybe one person is the sensible, logistics-focused person, while the other brings ideas and adventure. Or, perhaps you are both similarly spontaneous, but you just need that extra push. Either way, you will know within a few weeks if you click and when you do, the time will just fly by, rich with high-quality memories. Lots of people don’t realize how important it is for relationships to align or be able to compromise in these respects. When, for example, to leave a party when the social battery runs out.
- You show him all your interests. Relationship stages aren’t all marked by how much sex you have or any other physical markers. No, the real markers of a relationship are emotional and they all center around vulnerability. Ridiculous and old fashion dating criteria like that often stop us from embracing our true identities. Have you shared the embarrassing pictures of yourself at 15? Have you stopped immediately defending yourself when discussing your past and embracing it instead? Do you feel at peace? If you find yourself discussing the Pokemon cards you used to collect, the GoGo figures, and the Match-Attack football cards without any shame, you’re where you should be. Being able to look yourself in the eye is just as important as being comfortable with another person. The right person will love all of you, not just the parts you expect them to.
These are all suggestions that have to be taken with a pinch of salt – all relationships are different, after all. However, if you see your relationship cropping up in these examples, allow yourself a small smug smile because you’ve got it made, friend.