How To Let A Guy Go Even When You Still Love Him

­Mourning the loss of someone who is still alive is a real thing and it’s called ambiguous grief. The end of some relationships just hit harder, especially when you were in love. Here are 9 things you can do when you’re struggling to let go.

  1. Focus on the negative. A positive mindset is everything, but you also have to face the hard facts head-on. If the dude was trash, you’re not doing yourself a favor by idealizing him in your mind. Be honest, how many times did he not call you back, fail to fulfill a promise, or just make you uncomfortable, unhappy, or question yourself in any way? You got the point of considering whether you need to let him go in the first place for a reason and your intuition is almost always right.
  2. Stop reaching out. Know your worth and learn how to read the relationship room. You should take it as a sign of disinterest on his end if you’re always the one to initiate contact. Roping him into yet another conversation about what’s not working isn’t going to make things right. If he wanted you to be happy, he would put in the effort on his own without your endless prompting and nagging. If you’re struggling with the temptation to connect with him or falling into the trap of a later-regretted drunk dial, you may need to block him or delete his phone number altogether.
  3. Keep tabs from a distance. Some are more cold-hearted than others and don’t have problems moving on. The rest of us aren’t as emotionally (or lack thereof) equipped to cut ties cold turkey. Sometimes you need to slowly wean people out of your life. A healthy amount of indirect contact through lurking may ease you into adjusting to his absence. I’m not saying to full-on stalk the guy, but checking his social media or asking a mutual friend about him can help you during the healing process. Over time you may realize you haven’t checked on him for a while or thought about him as much as you used to. If you try to pull away 100% before you’re ready you’re just setting yourself up to backslide into his DMs on a lonely night.
  4. Focus on you. You were never going to be happy in a relationship anyway if you weren’t whole going in. You shouldn’t expect someone else to complete you or make your life better. Turn your break-up into a wake-up call. Work on your education, career, a hobby, or just general self-care. The more time you invest in your goals and well-being, the less you’ll have to mourn someone who didn’t believe in you and support your future progression.
  5. Give it time. Healing is called a process for a reason. You shouldn’t expect to be over him overnight. Just know that whatever negative feelings you’re experiencing, this is temporary and understandable. Love is powerful and losing it is majorly painful. It’s okay to be disappointed when a relationship doesn’t turn out the way you expected. Be kind to yourself but know this isn’t forever. It’s also equally as important to not compare your journey to others. Let it take as long as you need.
  6. Keep yourself busy. The harsh reality is he’s probably moved on already and you should, too. You really do deserve someone who sees your strengths and doesn’t want to live without them. Don’t settle for less than being fully wanted, respected, and appreciated. In the meantime, stay surrounded by friends and family who do this for you. Trust that one day you will meet a guy who thinks you’re amazing as you are.
  7. Reach out to friends. Chances are if the dude was a bum, your friends were already waiting for things between you two to be over. But if your circle truly roots for you, they will care about your feelings. While those close to you should keep it real, they should also be available to pick you up out of a rut. Find people you can be honest with about where you’re at post-breakup who will listen and give advice if you need/want it. Don’t go through this alone.
  8. Get your feelings out. Bottling up your emotions isn’t going to make them go away. You need to release them somehow. Write that sad or angry text – just don’t send it. Break something (safely). Cry. Box up everything that reminds you of him and throw it away. Don’t compartmentalize it all and let it fester within. Once you release the pain you can make space for good.
  9. Try again (with a different somebody). Just because one relationship doesn’t work out doesn’t mean you need to throw the whole towel of hope away. It’s going to work out one day with the right person. When you meet a guy who doesn’t need to be let go of, you’ll realize why the others weren’t worth keeping around.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer