How To Let A Guy Go When He Was Never Yours To Begin With

Maybe you’ve lightly dated but it hasn’t become an official relationship. Or maybe you have a mad crush on this guy and you still hold out hope that he’ll realize what a beautiful, sparkly creature you are and come falling at your feet one day. The truth is, if he really wanted you, he’d make it happen. If it’s not happening now, whether he lost interest or he never had it to begin with, stop expecting him to suddenly catch feelings. Sadly, this guy was never yours to begin with. Guess what? Now that you’re finally understanding that he’s not yours, now’s a magical time when you can do something amazing: Let him go.

  1. Read the signs. Still not convinced that he’s not even yours? Pay attention to how he treats you. Does he only text you when you’ve initiated it first? Does he find reasons not to see you? Is he hot and cold? Or maybe he’s already in a relationship with someone else and you’re hoping he’ll wise up and break up with her. Girl, stop. If he does anything less than make you feel loved and wanted, then he’s not for you and it’s time to let him go.
  2. Stop wondering how he feels. One pitfall we all get stuck in, myself included, is that we desperately want to know “how he really feels.” Sound like you? You just want to find out if he really likes you. Truth is, if he liked you, you’d know. And if he doesn’t like you, you’re just going to be confused. Leave it at that. Look deep down within yourself. You already know how he feels, even if he hasn’t already said it, so quit making excuses.
  3. Know that you’re worth so much more. Stop settling. You’re gorgeous and lovely and deserve way better than this. Take a step back and think about what you’re really worth. Because you are not worth being with a guy who isn’t really there for you. It’s time to take back your life and get what you really need: an amazing relationship with someone who deserves you.
  4. Treat yourself like you’re your best friend. How would you feel if your best friend was in your position? Would you insist that she keep waiting around for an unavailable guy, or that she should go out and find someone new? Now turn that around and give yourself the same advice. Be your own best friend.
  5. Evaluate whether you really need to say goodbye. In most cases, it’s best just to stop talking to the guy. It’s one thing if you’re in a serious relationship, then of course tell him goodbye. But this guy isn’t yours and he was never yours to begin with. Avoid the urge to have a drawn-out, passion-filled goodbye and just go silent.
  6. Get off your damn phone. Stop texting him. I repeat: Stop. Texting. Him. In order to truly let him go, you have to cut off all contact. Don’t answer his texts, don’t call him. If he’s one of those shady guys who’ve benched you, he might try to text you even after you’ve set boundaries. Don’t fall for it. Get off your damn phone, and, if you can’t, block his ass. This includes Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat. Even if you don’t plan on actually contacting him on these sites, it’ll only set you back if you constantly check up on him on his social. Avoid the pain of seeing his new girlfriend and get rid of your connections entirely. You’ll be doing yourself a favor.
  7. Make a pact with your friends. It’s easy to fall into a habit of falling for emotionally unavailable guys. You may not even notice you’re doing it. If you don’t notice the signs until it’s too late, make a pact with your friends. The next time you start gushing over a guy that doesn’t even give you the time of day, give them permission to sit you down and give you a slice of reality. And be open to hearing it!
  8. Have a “me” night. You’ve done it, he’s gone! Now’s the time to treat yourself right. Go out with the girls if you can. If staying home is a must, put on a luxurious face mask and watch your favorite movie. Eat cheesecake and laugh until you cry. After all, this is about you, not him, and you’re worthy of a great “me” night.
  9. Give it some time. You may get the urge to go find someone new right away. But you’ve been pining over this guy for a long time. While you may not have been in an official relationship, this can still feel like a breakup. Give yourself some time to breathe.
  10. Go out with someone new. The best way to get over a guy who wasn’t all that interested is to start dating someone who is. As soon as you experience a great relationship, you’ll wonder what you ever saw in that other guy.
Trisha is a full time writer living in Montana. In her free time, she paints mountainscapes on her skin with body paint and reads a ton of YA lit.