How To Let Go Of A Guy Who Won’t Commit

You’d be willing to commit to him whole-heartedly in a flash without a second thought, but would he do the same for you? If he’s dragging his heels when it comes to locking things down, then you’ve got a problem and it’s time to let him go. After all, a guy who won’t commit has no place in your life.

  1. Talk to the woman in the mirror. Look at yourself and remember your worth! Seriously, this is one of the most important things you need to do in order to walk away from a guy who’s just wasting your time and attention. You’re a catch and you should know it. Don’t let him make you forget it.
  2. Get him out of your head. Dealing with a guy who can’t handle commitment is enough to drive you crazy. It’s easy to overthink and obsess about what he feels/thinks/wants. Ugh. But try to unplug your phone and forget about him for a while. This will give you a chance to regroup with what YOU feel/think/want. It’s way too easy to make him your entire focus.
  3. Start talking. One of the most important things to realize when it comes to dealing with a guy who won’t commit is that, even if he’s a great guy, he’s making you sad/frustrated/dissatisfied. If you weren’t those things, you wouldn’t be reading this article. Now’s not the time to stew in those feelings. You have to talk to him about what’s going on and what you need to be happy. This will help you both see if you actually have a future or not.
  4. Understand what’s holding him back. Talking to him will not only help you clear your head but show you where he’s at and why. Why is the guy not able to commit? What’s really going on? This can help you figure out if he’s worth waiting for or if you should start finding the nearest exit.
  5. Forget about changing him. Maybe you stick around waiting for this guy because you know that if he changed he’d be an amazing BF. But it’s time to forget about what he might become and focus on what he is. Is he committing to you right now even though he knows how you feel about him and even though he keeps saying he likes you? If not, why are you still there?
  6. Focus on the reality of the situation. He might say he’s not looking for anything serious “right now.” You hold onto that for dear life, thinking maybe he’ll change and choose you. Take your blinders off! Remember this: what he’s doing now, giving you vague messages, is the biggest sign of whether or not he deserves you in his life. He doesn’t!
  7. Ask yourself if you’re a “maybe” girlfriend. You want to be in a relationship with him but he doesn’t want to be with you. That’s what’s going on right now regardless of why he doesn’t want to commit. If you focus on that, then you’ll see that you have a choice in front of you: you can be a “maybe” girlfriend who waits for someone who will probably never actually commit to you or you can say “definitely” to a better future without him.
  8. Take stock of what you’re looking for. It’s easy to focus on him and what he wants, but what you want matters! Take time to really figure out where you’re headed. If he doesn’t fit in with that picture, then you know what to do before you waste any more of your time. Don’t settle for less than what you want in a partner and what you want for your future.
  9. Understand he’s holding you back. He’s got reasons for why he’s holding back from what could be a fantastic relationship, but worse than that is that he’s holding you back with his issues. That’s not someone you need in your life. What, you want a future of second-guessing him and yourself? A future of never being 100% sure that he’s yours? Of course not.
  10. Let him rise to the occasion. Instead of playing the role of the one who makes herself available to him while he figures out what he wants (what a snooze fest that is!), back off a bit. Let him come to you. Let him see that you’ve got standards and you’re not afraid to use them, and let him see that he has to rise to meet them. You’re not the type who’s going to crawl on her hands and knees to change his mind. You’re a queen, not a puppy.
  11. Force him to let go. Maybe he keeps promising you that he does like you and that’s kept you with him for a long time. Every time you try to walk away, he pulls you back with lofty promises and doubtful pleas that he’s interested in you. It’s time to break the pattern because you deserve better. If he won’t walk away, then it’s time to force him to let you go by doing the walking. I promise it gets easier the further you move away from him.


Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.