How To Let Him Know You Want More Without Rushing Things

When you’re dating someone new, there’s a very fine line between making it clear that you’re totally into him and scaring him off by coming on way too strong. You don’t want to come off as aloof and uninterested and risk losing him, but you also don’t want to freak him out by putting unnecessary pressure on your budding relationship and rushing things. Here are some ways to let him know you want more that are casual but effective.

  1. Don’t try to make him jealous. Dangling all your other options in front of him won’t necessarily make him realize that he needs to lock you down. He might just think you’re not that into him after all. Being confident in your connection is the way to go.
  2. Stop dating other people. One of the first steps toward letting someone know that you don’t want to date other people is simply to stop dating other people. If he’s the only one you’re seeing, he’ll start to realize that you’re seriously into him.
  3. Try to increase the amount of time you spend together. Instead of rushing out of the house the morning after sleeping together, try asking if he wants to meet up for breakfast after you head home for a shower. If that doesn’t work, make plans for the next time you’ll see each other before you part ways.
  4. Introduce him to your friends. A relationship can only go so far before it’s time to see how they fit into the part of your life that’s already established. Getting approval from your friends can let him know that it matters to you.
  5. PDA. Maybe climbing all over the guy isn’t your style, but even reaching for his hand the next time you’re in public will let him know that you don’t mind if people think you’re a couple. It should go without saying, however, that consent is important. Make sure he’s comfortable with your displays of affection and don’t overstep his boundaries.
  6. Listen to what he likes. If he mentions something that he loves or is looking forward to, follow up on it to show that you’re paying attention and that you care about his interests. These little bits of attention will mean a lot.
  7. Let him into your life in bigger ways. Test the waters by discussing an upcoming trip and the possibility of him coming with you. Even if you’re only speaking theoretically for now, inserting him into future plans (plans that aren’t overly serious) shows him you want him around for a long while.
  8. Tell him what you like about him. If there’s something specific about this guy that’s different than the rest, let him know that you’ve noticed and that you appreciate it. Guys love compliments just as much as women do, but they don’t get nearly as many of them.
  9. Make room for him in your space. It might not be time to clear out a drawer for him or anything, but maybe pick up the beer he likes the next time you’re on a booze run. See how comfortable he feels in your space, and encourage him to make himself at home. This lets him know that you’re willing to incorporate him into your life.
  10. Offer to do things for him. Make like a couple and start to discuss the average, everyday stuff like where the best dry cleaner is, and then offer to take his stuff when you take yours. Obviously, there’s a fine line between helping him out and being his personal servant, but you know that.
  11. Pay attention to his reactions. If you start to do a little more and he seems put off by it, pull back to a level that’s comfortable to you while he sorts through his feelings, but stay available so he doesn’t think you’re totally scared off by his pulling back.
  12. Treat him like your boyfriend. You don’t have to wait for the official moment to act like it’s a done deal. Acting like it might give him the confidence he needs to move forward faster. Of course, if he’s not reciprocating or begins to take advantage of this, you’ll need to take a step back.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog