We all have history, or baggage, or whatever you want to call it. We’ve all experienced love and the total opposite of it – the heartbreak that pushes you toward a pint of mint chocolate chip and a weekend spent under the covers because you just don’t have the energy to leave your bedroom. Entering any new relationship means not only dealing with your own romantic past but that of your new partner’s, too. And they may not be so open to love if they’ve been burned before. But it’s definitely possible to love someone who’s had their heart broken.
- Know that it’s not you, it’s him. The super clichéd break-up phrase applies here, too. You haven’t broken your new partner’s heart and yet they’re still hurting but it has nothing to do with you. Remember that.
- It’s best to go slow. The worst thing you can do in this kind of situation is force your new beau to rush into a super serious relationship. This will only push them away. Instead, allow your new romance to naturally evolve and move at a slow pace, which will also strengthen your bond and make sure you guys know it’s real.
- You might care about him more than he cares about you. This is the sad reality of loving someone who’s not quite ready to love yet. And it’s something you should be prepared for in case things go south.
- He might initiate a break-up for zero reason. Or at least not one that makes sense. You might get a weird speech about how they don’t want to take things any further because they might end up liking you too much (true story: a guy actually said this to me once – um, what?!)
- The future will totally freak him out. You might see this guy as The One and want to introduce him to your besties, your parents, your adorable little cousin. But it might be a good idea to keep things between the two of you, at least in the beginning. They might think that meeting all the amazing people in your world is just a bit too much pressure. You can deal with this… for a little while. If time is marching along and he refuses to meet your family or let you meet his then you have a problem.
- Commitment is a big word. At least that’s how he feels. He remembers what happened the last time they committed to someone – and it didn’t exactly work out so well. So you’re kind of asking for a disaster if you bring up getting serious. You may think it feels serious – it’s all sex and sleepovers and spending entire weekends together – but he may still be fragile. It may be an annoying stereotype that guys hate commitment but in the case of a guy nursing a broken heart, it’s a fact.
- It’s important to focus on having fun. You like this guy for a reason, right? So remember it and enjoy your time together. Find new dinner recipes to try, go to some baseball games, curl up with a Netflix marathon – whatever your thing is.
- Live in the moment. It’s hard not to think about the past when you’re dating a guy with a broken heart. And it’s equally hard not to worry about the future when you’re not quite sure if you two even have one. But your relationship will be completely doomed before it even really gets off the ground if you don’t live in the present.
- You should really listen to what he is telling you. So this guy is an amazing kisser and an even more amazing conversationalist. You have so much fun together, the chemistry is at an all time high and you never run out of stuff to talk about. You don’t mean to be planning the wedding already in your head but you can’t exactly help it. But… he keeps telling you he wants to take things slow/see where things go/or that he hasn’t thought about how to define things. So even if his actions seem to say otherwise, listen to his words.
- Give yourself a timeline to protect your own heart. Of course we never want to think that the guy that feels so right for us might not end up being Mr. Right after all, but you know the situation that you’re getting involved in, and so it doesn’t hurt to be prepared. If six months or even a year have passed and your guy is still not ready to take things to the next level, it might be time to say goodbye. You can only do so much for someone who’s not ready to love again, and you don’t want to be sitting around waiting for him to be ready.
