Whether or not you can actually fix a toxic relationship depends on the kind of person you’re dealing with. Are they really toxic or are you just having trouble communicating? Sometimes relationships turn toxic when communication turns ugly and you start disrespecting one another (or worse, ignoring each other). Here are 11 ways to get things back on track.
Take Responsibility For Your Actions.
As much as you might not want to admit fault, you’re both responsible for what’s going on in your relationship so don’t put the blame completely on your partner. To improve, you both need to recognize that neither of you is perfect. That’s the only way you’ll be able to listen to each other without becoming defensive.
Work On Yourself.
What are you doing that could be causing problems in your relationship? Are you closed off? Do you forget to think before you talk? You can’t fix your relationship if you don’t fix yourself first. You can’t fix yourself without identifying your own issues and trying to work on them.
Be Clear On The Problem.
There’s a reason why you think your relationship is toxic. Share that reason with your partner. Whether you feel neglected or disrespected, you need to communicate that in a clear and effective way. Once you do, don’t waiver. Make sure you stand behind your words so your partner knows you’re serious.
Chances are, you and your partner communicate differently. That’s not necessarily a bad thing as long as you know each other’s communication style. Maybe you communicate best at night, whereas your partner communicates best in the morning. Maybe you’re able to respond quickly, whereas your partner needs time to think. Keep your communication styles in mind before you try to talk.
Have An Open Mind.
Most of us are too biased to hear another person’s side of the story. Don’t be that way! If you have a problem with your partner, chances are they also have a problem with you. Listen to your partner and keep an open mind. To improve a toxic relationship, your partner has to know how you’re feeling and you have to know how they’re feeling.
Don’t Talk When You’re Mad.
The worst time to have a conversation is when you’re mad. And yet, it’s one of the most attractive times to have a conversation. We get it. Emotions are high, but that’s part of the problem. You shouldn’t talk when you’re emotional, you should talk when you’re calm and level-headed. Walk away when you’re mad and revisit the subject after you’ve had time to think and relax.
It’s one thing to say what’s bothering you and another thing to stand behind it. If you state your problem and your partner doesn’t change, there should be consequences. You can’t backtrack or brush it off. If you do, your partner will never change and nothing will improve. Be firm and set boundaries so your partner knows what you will and won’t stand for.
Keep Communication Open.
Your relationship isn’t going to improve overnight. It’s going to take time and it’s important to remain patient. If you expect immediate results, you’ll only be disappointed and more likely to shut down and stop communicating. Have a realistic understanding of how long it’s going to take to fix your toxic relationship.
Don’t Forget To Set Goals
. You’re working on your relationship, but that doesn’t mean every day should feel like a challenge. Take the time to enjoy your partner! Go on dates, cuddle, express your love, and set future goals. Don’t act like your relationship is over just because you’re going through a rough patch.
Seek an Outside Opinion.
There’s nothing wrong with seeking an outsider’s opinion for your relationship. And while you and your partner might be uncomfortable going to a therapist, there are so many benefits. The biggest benefit is that they’re impartial. Sure, you can ask a friend but your friend knows you (and your partner). Therefore, their advice will be biased.
Be Okay With Walking Away.
Not all relationships are meant to last. Regardless of how hard you work, you might have to walk away. At the end of the day, your mental health matters the most. And so does your partner’s. If your relationship is toxic, breaking up might be the best option. You both deserve to be happy.
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