It’s said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but is this true? And if so, how can you calculate your absence so that it actually makes your partner miss you instead of drifting away? A 2013 study in the Journal of Communications suggests that it’s actually legit. According to the authors, couples in long-distance relationships idealize each other and have a more meaningful connection than couples who live in the same place. Luckily, you don’t have to pack up and move across the country to capitalize on these findings. Here are 16 psychological tips to make him miss you.
- Leave him on “read.” Absence comes in many forms. We conduct our lives through texts more than ever, and becoming less available in this medium will affect him almost as much as being physically absent. Be slower to respond to his messages for a while. If you want to take it further, adjust your settings so that people can see when you’ve read their messages. Seeing that you’ve seen his texts but not responded will get inside his head and make him miss you all the more.
- Tell him you’re busy when he asks you out. You shouldn’t be available every time he wants to hang out. Being overly reliable is a direct trajectory to being taken for granted, and that will ruin your relationship. Turn him down a few times and let him know that you’re busy. To prevent him from feeling rejected, suggest a different day to hang out. This demonstrates that you are assertive and lead a full life.
- Encourage him to spend time with his friends. Not only is it good for both of you to continue having social lives outside of your relationship, but encouraging him to have fun without you will demonstrate your security in the relationship and interest in his happiness. It is one of the most selfless forms of selfishness there is, and it will pay off. He will feel loved and supported by you, which will in turn make him miss you all the more when he’s spending time with friends.
- Stop texting for a while. Leaving him on “read” will get his attention, but pausing communication altogether will make him think. Before you go for this option, know your motives. Do you want him to miss you because he hasn’t been attentive lately? Are you afraid he’s losing interest? Do you want him to apologize for something he did? It’s important to know because ignoring his texts indefinitely will have consequences. He will know something is wrong, and you will have to discuss your feelings.
- Stay mysterious. If he feels like you’re a puzzle, he won’t want to leave your side until he solves it. You don’t have to wear makeup 24/7 or leave after sex instead of staying the night. Be mysterious about your history and personality. Honesty and trust are vital in a relationship, but being vague about your previous relationships, your family, and what makes you tick will captivate him. He will want to know who you are, and every minute he isn’t uncovering clues will feel like wasted time.
- Focus on fun when you’re together. One of the best ways to make yourself indispensable is to make him associate you with good times. The more fun it is to be around you, the more he will crave your presence. Let’s be clear that being “fun” does not mean that you cater to his every wish at the expense of your own. It’s a two-way street. If the two of you have fun together, he will recognize that life isn’t as good without you.
- Be the first to end your conversations. He probably won’t realize you’re doing this, but he’ll feel it subconsciously. You shouldn’t be hanging up on him mid-sentence or slamming doors in his face. It’s about being busy, not angry. Politely end your phone calls when he isn’t quite ready to hang up. Tell him you have to leave his house or a date early because of work the next morning. Always leave him hungry for more.
- Let him see you living your best life on social media. This is one of the best and most obvious psychological tips to make him miss you. Start using your social media accounts as photo albums for all the fun you’re having with your friends. He’ll see the other meaningful relationships you have in your life and realize he isn’t everything. Giving someone a healthy dose of perspective is one of the best ways to make them miss you.
- Spend a lot of time at his place. This sounds counterproductive: if you’re there all the time, why would he miss you? However, the more you spend time at his place, the more he’ll miss you when you’re not there. Everything in his home will remind him of you, from the sofa that you cuddle on to the table where you eat meals together. His house will start to feel empty when you’re not in it.
- Keep your thoughts on the relationship on the DL. Communication is the bedrock of any healthy relationship, but over-analysis can turn a healthy, evolving partnership into a straitjacket. If you’re in the early stages of the relationship, let things progress naturally. Sometimes, this is the best way to solidify a partnership. Eventually, you will be such an important part of his life that he will initiate a conversation about where things are headed.
- Be his best advisor. Nothing can replace emotional intimacy when it comes to building a relationship. If he feels safe opening up to you, you will be irreplaceable in his life. Any time he needs support, he will think of you. Being the person that he trusts and wants to connect with when he’s feeling low will keep you on his mind constantly.
- Leave something behind the next time you’re at his place. The next time you spend the night with him, “forget” a piece of clothing, your toothbrush, or anything that will remind him of you. When he sees it, he will feel your absence acutely. You can even hide it somewhere that isn’t obvious but where you know he’ll find it. For example, you could leave your earrings in the bathroom drawer next to his toothbrush or a pair of shoes next to his side of the bed. The intimacy of those locations will heighten his emotions.
- Send him pictures of what you’re doing without him. There’s nothing like a little FOMO to make him desperate to see you. The next time you have a day off while he’s working or go away for the weekend without him, maintain a steady flow of photos depicting you in fun, new places doing exciting things. He’ll want nothing more than to be with you.
- Develop a routine with him. Humans are creatures of habit. Most of us are comforted by schedules and routines, whether it’s eating the same breakfast every morning or driving the same route to work. Unintended deviations from the norm are upsetting. By establishing a routine with him–staying the night, waking up together, watching TV before bed–you’re ensuring that his life will be thrown out of sorts when you’re not around. Without you, his day feels all wrong.
- Make plans with your friends. Spending time with your friends should be a priority anyway because it will make your life richer and more meaningful. However, it has the additional benefit of making your partner miss you. Jealousy, like FOMO, will highlight how much he loves spending time with you and how much he wishes he was there too.
- Have incredible sex. This is easier said than done of course, but if you aren’t having great sex, why go to all the trouble of making him miss you? Lust is a fundamental motivator. If you have amazing sex, he will miss you all the time. But remember that great sex is all about mutual pleasure. If you’re giving more than you’re getting, you aren’t compatible. To build a meaningful, overwhelming passion for each other, you both need to be fulfilled.
How to make him miss you when you’re on vacation
You’re on vacation with your BFFs or even on your own and your partner’s back at home. Although you obviously miss him, telling him this every hour is going to make him wish you’d stay away for longer. There are better and easier ways to make him miss you when you’re not around. Here are 10 to consider.
- Go do you. Step away from your phone. Leave it in your hotel room when you’re out exploring the sights, seriously. Let him come to you. Sometimes what happens is that people get too used to the fact that their partners are always around. Let him miss you! How do you do that? Don’t be super-available every time he texts.
- Have a ball. He’ll think you have no life if you’re moping around on vaca because you miss him. You have a fantastic life outside of your relationship and now’s the time to really enjoy it. The bonus of this is that your partner will hear from the stories that you tell him later that you’re a confident, fun-loving, and interesting woman who has her own life. That’s really attractive.
- Share pics on social media. When you’re sharing holiday snaps to Instagram and Facebook, your partner’s sure to see them and realize how much he wishes he were with you. Uploading pics to your socials is a great way to show him how much fun you’re having. This is much more effective than telling him how sad you are that he’s not around. Happiness is the most attractive quality in a person!
- Don’t go overboard, though. While it’s great to show him how much fun you’re having with your friends, you don’t have to overdo it by posting pics every hour or timing when you do so that you’re ensured he’ll see them. And don’t tag him in them so that he can’t help but see all your notifications. It’s better when he sees them for himself instead of you telling him to go check them out.
- Avoid giving TMI. When he calls to say hi and you end up on the phone for hours, enjoy the conversation but don’t give him TMI about your holiday. Save that for when you see him, that way you won’t feel like you have nothing to say when you see each other. Maintain some mystery and it’ll keep him hooked without you having to do so much work.
- Avoid too-long phone calls. If you’re behaving in the same way on holiday as when you’re with your boyfriend, you might as well have stayed home. When you’re away from him for a weekend or longer, it’s the perfect time to see how he really feels for you. With that in mind, the last thing you want to do is chat on the phone for six hours every night. He’s supposed to be missing you, and he can’t do that if you’re together in a virtual sense.
- Keep texts chilled. Yes, you want to tell him how much you want to have him there with you and how sexy he looks in his new selfie, but keep it together. While there’s nothing wrong with being warm and open with him, the last thing you want to do is sound like you can’t go a weekend without the guy.
- Don’t check in. Linked to the previous point is how you should avoid sending him texts so that you can check in. Does he really need to know when you’ve reached your holiday destination? Does he really need to know you’re getting ready to go to bed or that your phone will be out of range during your hike? No! These texts are boring and will make him wonder why you feel the need to share trivial info with him.
- Be positive. Whenever you do hear from him, be upbeat and positive. He wants to chat to and be around someone who brings sunshine into his life. When your communication makes him feel good, he’ll want more of it – and he’ll miss you like mad.
- Avoid completely ignoring him. While making him miss you is one thing, it’s a completely different story if you go AWOL for the duration of your time away. You still want to connect, after all. If you block him out, his feeling of missing you could end up backfiring by making him block you.
Why these tricks don’t always work
- He isn’t interested in a relationship. If you try to make him miss when he isn’t interested in a relationship, your tactics will backfire. Instead of his feelings getting stronger, they will evaporate. You will be out of sight, out of mind. It hurts to want a relationship with someone who isn’t interested, but trying to reel them in is a waste of time. Don’t bother trying to make a man miss you if he doesn’t think about you when you’re around, let alone when you’re not around.
- Your insecurity is derailing your chances at love. Low self-esteem will ruin your relationship. You will be unable to trust any display of love or devotion, no matter how hard your partner tries. Their reassurances will make you suspicious, and no amount of affirmation will make you believe that they are committed to you. Low self-esteem makes you a bottomless pit. No psychological tricks to make him miss you will save you from your own self-image.
- Manipulation is not a healthy way to keep a person interested. Strong relationships are built on trust and honesty, not mind games. Making your partner miss you when you’re already secure in your relationship and just want to give him a little reminder about how important you are is harmless. But trying to manipulate him into feeling insecure is a red flag. If you are trying to trick someone into finding you attractive, the relationship is guaranteed to fail before it’s even started.