If you’re reading this then you’re already in the right place. Research and feeling informed is an important step to feel in control of sex. When it comes down to it, there’s a lot of instinct and situation-reading that will take over, but first, you might have to google a few hints and tips. That’s perfectly natural. We all have to start somewhere. Anyone saying any different is simply kidding themselves. Unpack the shame, get your notes out, and let’s begin. Here’s how to make love to a man in a way he’ll never forget.
- Check you have consent. Read their body language and ask explicitly if your partner wants to progress things further. Look them in the eyes and pause to make sure you’re on the same page and feeling comfortable. This will help in the long run with getting to know each other later. We all want to feel safe, and these simple – essential – gestures are important.
- Do your research. Even if you feel a bit anxious and nervous, just get a private browser up and turn the brightness down on your phone and pay attention. Or, failing that, lesbian TikTok can barely go three clips without handing out advice on how to go down on someone and maximize pleasure, so by all means, get yourself there. This will help to familiarize yourself with both the anatomical situation, but also yourself. It’s worth making sure you know what you like so that you can communicate that when you’re having sex. Both parties want to please the other, so don’t feel like you’re alone!
- Wear something you feel comfortable in. This is essential. Don’t focus on what you might think they want to see you wear or do. That won’t work. Make sure you start to experiment with what you’re comfortable with in a safe space. If there’s too much pressure or expectation it’s unlikely that you will be able to relax and enjoy yourself.
- Be confident. This is the single most important aspect of having a good night. Be confident in what you’re doing. Don’t rush, and don’t force things along – it will fall into place. Wear something you feel powerful in. Focus on why you’re both here. The relationship isn’t all about sex, and this first time isn’t do or die. Know yourself.
- Make a great playlist. Music is a great way of tapping into a bank of emotion. Whether it’s nostalgia or summer vibes, or just a chill playlist – make sure you create some atmosphere. A lot of the time it’s super sexy to just fill the room with your own sounds of pleasure and enjoyment, but for the first few times, it might take the pressure off to have some ambiance.
- Find some candles and fresh bed linen. Remember that this is still a guy that we’re talking about. No matter how emotionally available he might be, I doubt he will have clean sheets and a fresh candle scent in his room. These are the gestures that make them feel cared for and safe that they would never think of themselves. You can add to the sensory experience and turn off the main light with the candlelight to guide things along.
- Find your rhythm. Sex isn’t just something that one person is responsible for carrying out or initiating. Unpack the gender roles you have associated with sexual activity, and take things at your own pace. Erase the unspoken rules and make yourself comfortable. Work together to find out what works and what doesn’t.
- Experiment. Once you’ve oiled out the kinks – so to speak – why not introduce a few toys or characters to the bedroom. Keep up a dialogue of consent throughout and have fun! It’s likely that he identified your free-spirited personality as one of the main reasons he likes you on the first date.
- Reciprocate, if you fancy it. It’s basic tit for tat (gosh the euphemisms are FLOWING). To maintain the balance in a relationship, it’s generally a good idea to offer to reciprocate services. This does not mean that one sexual activity automatically merits another, but as long as both of you are game, experiment. You might fear that you are inexperienced or bad at certain actions, but this is the perfect safe space to try it out. He can guide you and hey – he’s the one getting a hand job – believe me, he will not be complaining.
- Take it slow. Trust me, it builds the anticipation. Work up to sex. Kiss him, touch him – trace circles on his arm and gently bite his neck. There’s nothing wrong with a little teasing… It’ll make him fall in love like nobody’s business.
Try to unwind. I know we all want to be great at sex on the first try, but it comes with time. That’s what she said. Wink.