Relationships are fantastic until they start feeling like you’ve lost track of where you end and your partner begins. If you can’t remember the last time you did anything solo, it’s time to break free and reclaim your independence. Here are 12 ways to get back to you without turning your relationship upside down.
1. Start Saying “No” (For Real)
If you’re always saying “yes” to keep the peace, flip the script. Saying “no” to things that don’t vibe with what you want isn’t being rude—it’s showing up for yourself. Start flexing that “no” muscle—you’ll be surprised how good it feels. And maybe your partner will respect you more and even find it sexy.
2. Schedule Me-Time Like You Do Netflix
You clear your schedule for the latest season of your favorite show, so do that for you. Needing solo time isn’t selfish—it’s self-preservation and sanity. Make it non-negotiable, whether a night in with takeout, a solo spa weekend or making time for that hobby you used to love. No interruptions, no guilt.
3. Unapologetically Ignite Your Old Passions
It’s time to dust off that hobby or passion project that made you feel like you. You don’t need permission from your partner to pursue things that spark joy and make you feel alive. Get back into it, whether it’s painting, running, or learning to salsa dance. You were awesome and independent before, which is why your partner fell for you in the first place.
4. Stop Wanting a Gold Star from Your Partner
You’re a grown-up; you don’t need your partner’s approval (or anyone’s) for anything. Trust your instincts, make decisions, and stop waiting for permission or a pat on the back. You don’t need anyone else to tell you you’re crushing it—you got this.
5. Draw Lines in the Sand
If you and your partner have meshed together, it’s time to put up some personal fences. Set boundaries and stick to them; every relationship needs them. Carve out time to be alone, pursue your own goals, don’t follow your partner’s every move, and give yourself room to breathe and reflect. You’re still in there; you just need to go get yourself.
6. Focus on Your Glow-Up
Instead of worrying about where the relationship is going, focus on where you’re going. You’ll feel more like yourself when focused on becoming your best version and looking fire. Make personal growth your new mantra—take that class, hit the gym, meditate, book a facial—whatever helps you level up.
7. Hang Out Solo With Friends
If you can’t remember the last time you hung out with your friends without your partner tagging along, that’s everything you need to know. Call up your squad, make plans, and tell your partner this is a solo mission. You need time with your crew to feel like you again—and your partner will survive a night without you.
8. Make Decisions Without the Group Chat
You don’t need to check with or consult your partner on everything. Resist the urge to text to ask their opinion on every little thing. Take the wheel and decide what you want to do this weekend, what you’re having for dinner, and if you wish to book that trip next year. You’ll feel more in control of your life, and your confidence will soar.
9. Express Your Need for Independence
If you’re feeling smothered, say something. Don’t just drop hints—be honest, open and transparent. Tell your partner what you need to feel more like yourself—like space and breathing room—and that he needs to let go a little. Honest communication could prove a game-changer.
10. Put Yourself First (For Once)
It’s cool to care about your partner’s happiness, but not when it’s at your own cost. If you’re constantly putting their needs first, commit to changing that now. Start prioritizing your happiness, and watch how fast your sense of self comes roaring back.
11. Face the Fear of Being Single
Falling into the co-dependency trap can stem from a fear of being alone. So, challenge yourself to go solo. Take yourself out to dinner, hit up that movie you’ve wanted to see or spend a day doing whatever you want. The more you do it, the more you’ll realize you’re not just totally fine on your own; this freedom is fantastic.
12. Remind Yourself You Were Always Enough
The most important step to reclaiming your independence is reminding yourself that you’re more than enough. You don’t need a partner to validate your existence or make you feel complete. You were a complete, independent person before this relationship; you’ll still be one if it ends. Live like you matter because you do.
