How To Recognize A Player Before Wasting Your Time On Him

We all know what it’s like to be swept off our feet by the perfect guy only to discover that he’s just a player and was never serious about you from the get-go. Here are a few things to look out for in a guy so it never happens again.

  1. He’s charming as hell. You know those guys who just seem to make you weak at the knees no matter what they’re saying? The ones who look at you like there’s no one else in the world and then make you feel invisible the second they look away? These are the guys who leave hearts scattered in their footsteps. If he seems too good to be true, trust your gut and walk away before he ensnares you.
  2. He says exactly what you want to hear. Do you feel like he relates to you on every level? Does every sentence he speaks resonate with you on a cellular level? If the answer is yes, you may be dealing with a master manipulator rather than a soulmate. Compatibility is not about meeting someone who has masterful powers of perception that they use to their advantage. If his words are just a little too spot-on, he probably isn’t for real.
  3. He’s really good at getting what he wants. Some guys know how to get what they want without even asking for it, and the really clever ones make you think it was your idea. The best way to avoid falling into this trap is to have a clear idea of what it is that you do want so that when a guy tries to subtly convince you that what he wants to do is your idea, you can call BS.
  4. He avoids serious conversations. We all know that humor is the quickest way to a person’s heart, but it has its limits. Men who are players avoid serious conversations because they have no intention of being serious partners. If the guy you’re with refuses to scratch the surface of your relationship or articulate a deep thought, he’s probably stringing you along. Don’t let his charming nature distract you from the truth.
  5. He makes you laugh when you’re upset with him. Humor is also one of the best deflectors. A really irresistible guy can make you laugh no matter how angry or hurt you are. If you’re with a guy who’s treating you poorly but always “makes it okay” by making you laugh, he’s not a guy you should trust or get involved with. While a sense of humor is a wonderful quality in a partner, it should never be used as a weapon against you.
  6. He’s a little too good in bed. Finding someone with whom you are physically compatible is incredible, but sometimes you get the sense that his prowess has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with experience. If the sex is amazing but impersonal at the same time, consider it a red flag. You want someone who wants you, not someone who knows how to seduce every woman he comes in contact with.
  7. He talks about female “friends” all the time. Players usually have a lot of backup plans. While it’s great to meet a guy who’s comfortable having women as friends, it’s worth paying attention to just how many female friends he talks about and the kinds of things he says about them. When he calls women his “friends,” he may be alluding to all the other women who have fallen for his charms.
  8. He’s present when you’re together but hardly ever texts you. One of the most damning indications that the guy you’re into is a player is his mysterious ability to disappear the second he’s not in your presence. Guys like this are impossible to make plans with, never answer texts, and make vague promises that they never plan to keep. You deserve better than this. The minute you recognize this as a pattern, get out.
  9. He’s always busy unless he’s the one suggesting a date. Similar to the disappearing act is the evasion act. Even when you are in the same place, he won’t commit to anything further in the future than the next five minutes. This is a clear indication that he’s keeping his options open and isn’t giving your relationship the respect and effort it needs to become something meaningful.
  10. You just have a feeling. You know that gut feeling you get when something just doesn’t feel right? Players are experts at manipulating you where you’re most susceptible, either by giving you attention, constant affirmation, or the illusion of safety. But if you look past the big emotions that these actions bring out in you, you’ll be able to zero in on your intuition. Don’t ignore it. If your intuition senses that something is off, you’re probably right.
Rose Nolan is a writer and editor from Austin, TX who focuses on all things female and fabulous. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Theater from the University of Surrey and a Master's Degree in Law from the University of Law. She’s been writing professional since 2015 and, in addition to her work for Bolde, she’s also written for Ranker and Mashed. She's published articles on topics ranging from travel, higher education, women's lifestyle, law, food, celebrities, and more.