So, your ex reached out and wants to give your relationship another shot. Are you feeling all the feels? Regardless if they ended things or it was mutual, hearing from an ex can be a shock. It forces you to stop what you’re doing and consider the possibilities. Should you get back together or leave them on read? In this article, we walk you through the best way to respond when your ex wants you back but you’re not sure what to do.
- Think Before You Speak. Regardless of how your relationship ended, communicating with your ex again can be painful. This was someone you once loved and might even still have feelings for. You want to be careful about opening that door, especially if you struggled to close it.
- Consider The Impact. Before responding, think of how getting back together will impact your life. Even if you want to get back with your ex, should you? There’s a reason the relationship ended and it’s important to remember why before responding. The same is true if you don’t want to date again. You want to make sure you’re mentally and emotionally ready to handle every outcome that could come from responding,
- Consider Your New Relationship. If you were single, you might not hesitate to respond to your ex. But if you’re in a relationship, you should think twice before responding. Even if you’re telling your ex off, consider how your new significant other would feel about you being in contact. Probably not too good, right? Exactly. So, go ahead and loop your new person into what’s going on so they can have some input.
- Break Up First. Are you in a relationship and considering getting back with your ex? Honestly, if you’re thinking about it, you should probably end the relationship you’re in now because you’re clearly not invested. Your new partner deserves to be with someone who’s fully into them and won’t be easily swayed by an ex coming back into the picture. At the same time, you deserve to be with someone you’re crazy about too.
- Don’t Respond Too Quickly. Take your time before giving your ex an answer, not only to avoid seeming too eager but so you can spend time thinking. You don’t want to rush back into a relationship with your ex, but you also don’t want to respond and regret it. Don’t let your ex pressure you into giving them an answer before you’re truly ready. If they can’t respect your need for time to think, they wouldn’t make a good partner anyway.
- Spend Time Reflecting. Reflect on your past relationship. Remember the problems you had, but also the characteristics you liked. Consider why you broke up and whether that’s something you can both get past. For example, if poor communication was to blame, why would the relationship work out now? Do you think your ex is capable of changing? Are you? These are things you want to think about while making your decision.
- Keep Your Response Short. Just because your ex sent a text doesn’t mean you should respond via the same medium. In fact, you probably shouldn’t — especially if you’re debating whether to get back with them. This is a conversation you should have in person, if possible. So, keep your response relatively short but let them know you want to talk. You could say something like, “Let’s find a time to discuss in person.” If you’re comfortable, consider calling your ex to figure out a time to connect.
- Be Honest. No matter what you decide (even if you don’t have a decision yet), be honest. The last thing you want is to lead your ex on or agree to something you don’t want. While being honest isn’t always pleasant, it’s the only way to ensure you’re both on the same page.
- Don’t Be Ashamed Of Uncertainty. Make sure your ex knows exactly what’s going on inside your head. If you’re struggling to decide, tell them why. Sometimes, it helps to talk things out with another person. Your ex might even clear up your doubts or maybe confirm them. The more upfront you are about your uncertainty, the easier it’ll be in the long run.
- Don’t Re-Write The Past. There’s no denying our culture has a habit of romanticizing the past. Instead of looking at past relationships for what they were (aka toxic), we only focus on the good times. We say things like, “Sure, he was a serial cheater, but he was so funny.” According to Anne Wilson, a professor of psychology at Wilfrid Laurier University, “We reconstruct what happened in the past based on little bits and pieces of memory. We’re acting like archaeologists- picking up the pieces and putting them back together.”
- Remember The Red Flags. Before deciding whether to get back with your ex, consider everything. While you shouldn’t forget about the good, do your best to ensure that’s not all you’re focusing on. The opposite is also true. You don’t want to just focus on the bad, you want to remember everything. This is the only way you’ll be able to make a balanced decision.
Deciding to rekindle your relationship with your ex is a big one and it’s not a decision you should take lightly. It’s always tempting to go back to what’s familiar, especially if you haven’t fully moved on from them and are still harboring feelings for them. However, it’s important that you do some serious reflection before reuniting with them, as doing so could put you 10 steps back. Ultimately, only you know what the right decision is for you. Trust your gut and you won’t go wrong.
