Is there anything scarier than thinking you’re in a rut in your relationship? Or worse, that you’re just simply bored? Probably not. It’s a problem that can fester if left unattended. Both parties expect the other to solve the problems, and no one thinks it’s their responsibility to correct. However, I’m here to tell you that you have to take ownership and claim your sense of agency. Make changes that are necessary. Assert your needs, and you will find ways of rescuing a boring relationship. You just have to put the effort in to recognize that there’s a problem. Contentment isn’t happiness. Remember that.
- Mix up the communication. I know that everyone knows how important communication is. I preach nothing else. But we all want to think that we have it already, so why not take a minute to look inwards and think about ways that you aren’t expressing your needs. It’s an easy fix, after all. You just have to sit for a moment. Find the hidden depths of what you feel you’re missing in the relationship. It might not be what you expected. That is a great starting point to rescue a relationship because you’re engaging in self-reflection. Asking yourself the hard questions is an important first step. Build on it.
- Get comfortable. I know that everyone says you should look outside your comfort zone, but there’s a difference between being uncomfortable and pushing yourself. Strike the right balance and you’re golden. Make sure you’re comfortable. Know yourself and know what you want. In order to take risks, you have to first identify what makes you happy and what outcome you’re hoping for. Things don’t happen overnight. But they also won’t happen if you aren’t ready to receive what you need. First of all, find neutrality. Get cozy, feel secure, and know thyself. That’s a solid foundation for progress out of your boring relationship.
- Experiment. This is easier said than done and takes huge leaps of courage, but what is a relationship if not the record of mistakes made together? You have to feel ready and willing to make these mistakes and grow from them. That makes it so much more fun and easy to experiment. Try new things out in the bedroom or anywhere else. You’ll surprise yourself and each other and it’ll be a great springboard for your relationship. Make sure you’re happy apart and together. Being together shouldn’t just be a way of feeling better, but a genuinely enriching experience.
- Travel more. This has been more complex with Covid in recent times, but as we look to a more positive future – pun intended – why not let yourself hope? Be more ambitious with your decisions. Take risks. Discover what your dreams are and act on them. Take agency and find ways of living your best life outside of the hometown you’ve been stuck in. That will help make your relationship feel freer and less like a chore.
- Try a little date night lottery. Being in a boring relationship is never just one person’s fault. Instead of putting the responsibility on one person to generate all the money and ideas for date night, why not put it into the hands of fate. That way, by using a random generator, or a prepared slot system, you take the pressure off. You embrace the spontaneity of the moment. You take away the sense of blame or stress in planning a date. It means you won’t have boring dates anymore. You will be more willing to work together to make things more… interesting.
- Ask for advice. Friends and family are your greatest resource here. Ask about their experiences in relationship ruts and how they got the spice back in their lives. It will make you feel less alone and get you out of your head. Win-win!
- Ask them what’s wrong. Simple communication here! There’s no shame in directly asking someone what they need from you. There might be family or work issues that they’re bottling up that are affecting the relationship. There’s nothing wrong with checking in with them. In fact, it takes courage. It shows that you don’t think the relationship is just a guessing game or a matter of luck. You’re putting the work in. Being intentional in how you treat them. They’ll appreciate it and it will make all the difference.
- Therapy. Getting therapy sounds like a big deal. Honestly, though, I think everyone needs a therapist. A no judgment, third party person to air your grievances to. It gives your partner space to express their own doubts that you might not have recognized. They will help individually and together, and once you start you’ll wonder how you ever got by without them.
- Do what you want, not what society wants. Need I be clearer?
Once we take away the pressures from other people and focus on what we want out of a relationship, suddenly it becomes easier to problem solve. There are many routes out of a boring relationship, you just have to be willing to look.
