Don’t let a manipulator surprise you with his mind-bending behavior. By paying attention to what he says and does early on, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of heartache. Here are 10 subtle signs to keep an eye out for.
- His words and actions don’t like each other. You know you have to watch what a guy does, not what he says, and this is especially useful to help you spot a manipulator. These people are pros and saying one thing and then doing another. Why? Because they love to lie. He might tell you how much he wants to settle down, but then you’ll see him partying hard with his single friends every weekend.
- He has an excuse for everything. He can’t find a job? That’s because so many employers are jerks. He couldn’t make it to your date? He had a drama with his brother. He went back on his word about quitting smoking? He has been so stressed but it’s not his fault. It goes on and so on. There’s always some excuse for why he didn’t do something he should have.
- He seems wonderfully sensitive. You think it’s awesome that he’s sensitive because you love that he’s so open about his feelings and gentle, but in time you’ll see that it’s all pretend. Manipulators come across as sensitive but what they really love doing is playing the role of victims. Everyone’s always out to get them. Ugh, that story’s going to get really old really quickly. Beware of the “sensitive” guy who tells you that he doesn’t want to get hurt – he’s likely to be the one to hurt you.
- He pulls you into his dark moods. A manipulator will want to bring you down. When he’s having a bad time, you can bet that he’ll want to make you feel crappy too, like by giving you the silent treatment.
- He’s got it worse than you. For the manipulator, any attention is better than none. If he gets more of your attention and love because he had a worse day at work/worse drama with his friends, then he’ll happily gobble it all up. But his attempts to one-up you at every chance he gets also points to how he’s selfish. Everything’s always about him.
- He twists conversations. If he’s told you about conversations he’s had with other people in his life and you’re getting the impression that he always twists them around so that he can come out on top and make the other people look bad, that’s a huge red flag.
- He thinks he’s better than everyone. A manipulator wants to bring others down and he has an inflated sense of self. So, he might paint all his exes as crazy or all his previous employers as unfair. If you get into a relationship with him, you’ll end up being treated in the same way. He’ll always be right and you’ll always be wrong.
- He uses what you say against you. You mentioned that you’re stressed out and don’t want to go out, but then your friend needs help so you tell the guy that you’re going to help her. He’ll choose that moment to ask, “But I thought you were too stressed to go out?” A manipulative guy will always use what you tell him against you to try to control you or make you feel bad about yourself.
- He drowns out other people. When you’re out with this guy and other people, you might notice how he always interrupts people and talks over them. Why does he do this? Because he wants to be the loudest, happiest, most fun person in a group. He also values his opinions over everyone else’s.
- He builds you up and breaks you down. You’ll be able to spot this toxic behavior immediately, so don’t try to ignore it because it won’t go away. An example of how a manipulator will try to build you up and break you down is with “negging.” He’ll compliment your outfit but in the next breath tell you that your hair could do with a good brushing. It’s his way of being in control and making you feel like you need his validation. What you really need is to get out.
