How To Spot A Narcissist Just By Looking At Them

How To Spot A Narcissist Just By Looking At Them

Narcissists can be pretty good at hiding their true colors, but there are some subtle signs in the way they present themselves that can be major red flags. From their carefully crafted image to the way they carry themselves, there are clues lurking in plain sight if you know what to look for. Here are some ways to spot these ego-driven individuals from a mile away.

1. They go overboard with grooming.

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Narcissists often place a high value on appearances. They might be meticulously groomed, with perfectly styled hair, flawless makeup, and designer clothing. They want to present an image of perfection and they truly believe that their outward appearance reflects their superiority.

2. They’re obsessed with status symbols.

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To boost their ego, narcissists love to flaunt expensive cars, flashy jewelry, or the latest gadgets (even when you know they’re making $10 an hour at a minimum-wage job and can’t afford it). External validation through material possessions is important to them. They want the world to see their success and use their possessions to mask their inner insecurities.

3. They always make smug expressions.

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A sense of superiority is usually reflected in a narcissist’s facial expressions. Look for subtle smirks, condescending smiles, or dismissive eye rolls that convey an “I’m better than you” attitude. These facial expressions betray their deeply held belief that they’re fundamentally different from and above everyone else, which is untrue and actually kind of laughable.

4. They have a dominating posture.

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Narcissists tend to try to project power through their body language. They might stand tall with puffed-out chests, take up more space than necessary, or use expansive gestures to assert their dominance. Their body language is a tool to communicate their inflated sense of self-importance and control the space around them.

5. They’re completely disinterested in the people around them.

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During conversations, a narcissist tends to make minimal eye contact, seems distracted, or constantly checks their phone. They seem to be disinterested in anything that doesn’t directly involve them, and that’s because they are. To them, other people are merely tools to be used or an audience to be impressed, not individuals with their own thoughts and feelings.

6. Their eye contact is intense (and sometimes even creepy).

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On the flip side, a narcissist might use intense or prolonged eye contact as a way to control or intimidate people, especially if they feel challenged or want something. Their stare can feel predatory, and that’s because it’s designed to make you uncomfortable so that they can take control of the situation and assert their dominance over you.

7. Their social media is picture-perfect.

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A narcissist’s online presence is, of course, very carefully curated. They post heavily edited selfies, brag about accomplishments, and showcase a seemingly glamorous lifestyle to get likes and comments that validate the facade they portray. Their social media is a stage where they perform an idealized version of themselves to a vast, faceless audience.

8. They love their designer labels.

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For some narcissists, wearing designer brands or name-dropping expensive items is a way to signal their perceived status and importance. They want to be associated with luxury and exclusivity because they believe their association with high-end brands elevates them above the common masses.

9. They need to be in the spotlight 24/7.

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Narcissists tend to crave attention — that will never change. They might dress flamboyantly, talk loudly, or act out to ensure all eyes are on them to ensure that they remain the center of attention. They have a deep-seated need for validation and will go to great lengths to get it. Thy can’t handle when other people are in the spotlight — they want it all for themselves.

10. They’re charming, but it’s totally fake.

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Initially, narcissists can be incredibly charming. They may shower you with compliments, seem genuinely interested in you, and use humor to win you over, but it’s often a facade. This charm is a tool of manipulation that they use to disarm and gain what they want from people.

11. They really don’t handle criticism, even when it’s constructive.

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Narcissists generally have a fragile ego. Look for defensiveness, anger, or dismissive behavior when faced with even the slightest hint of constructive criticism. Their inflated self-image just can’t (and won’t) tolerate any perceived challenge or imperfection.

12. They have “trophy” partners.

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Some narcissists may choose romantic partners based on looks, status, or success. They see their partners as extensions of themselves to boost their own image. These partners are like accessories that are meant to enhance the narcissist’s own desirability and social standing. More often than not, there’s no deep connection there.

13. They mirror people’s behavior.

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Early on, a narcissist might mirror your interests, opinions, and mannerisms to create a false sense of connection and make you feel understood. They use this mimicry to make themselves seem like your perfect match. This is a tactic to reel you in before their true nature becomes more obvious, which is inevitable.

14. They’re extremely impatient.

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Narcissists often feel entitled to special treatment. They get visibly irritated when having to wait in line, deal with delays, or when things don’t go their way. They might even lash out because their inflated sense of importance makes them believe the rules don’t apply to them.

15. They lack empathy.

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While it’s hard to spot just by looking at them, if you observe their interactions, you might notice a disregard for other people’s feelings. They might make insensitive comments or seem indifferent to other people’s pain and suffering. They lack the ability to step into someone else’s shoes and feel what another person feels. In fact, they’re not interested in doing it!

16. They’re extremely manipulative.

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Subtly, a narcissist might use guilt trips, gaslighting, or playing the victim card to get what they want. Pay close attention to how they make you feel in interactions. They might be using their words or actions to exploit your vulnerabilities and bend you to their will.

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Gail is Bolde's social media and partnership manager, as well as an all-around behind-the-scenes renaissance woman. She worked for more than 25 years in her city's local government before making the switch to women's lifestyle and relationship sites, initially at HelloGiggles before making the switch to Bolde.