How To Start Again After A Failed Relationship

Even if you’ve just ended the most toxic relationship of your life, you’re going to have to get through a period of being sad, single, and scared of what the future might hold. But just because the process is an arduous one doesn’t mean that it has to be impossible. Getting through the stages of a failed relationship can be a lot easier if you know exactly how to do it. Here’s how to start again when you’re ready.

  1. Let yourself wallow. A lot can be said for being able to live in your feelings, even the bad ones. When you’re just getting out of a relationship, you’ll have a lot of negative emotions to deal with. Guilt, shame, sadness, inadequacy, and loneliness are all normal and expected when you go from living a life with someone to having to go it alone in love. A lot of people will try to push away these unwanted feelings, but they’re just going to pop up in other ways if you don’t let yourself wallow in them for a little while.
  2. Vent like crazy. Complain, cry, or just generally vent about the breakup to all the people you love and trust. Talking things through will get it all out of you and it’s important not to bottle up. When you vent, you can let go of things.
  3. Give yourself a time limit. Yes, you definitely need to vent, but you also need to give yourself a finite time to do it so that you don’t become a broken record of breakup melodies. Giving yourself a set time limit will allow you to know when it’s time to finally stop talking about your ex so you can begin to move on.
  4. Take some me-time. Go to a spa or just binge your latest Netflix obsession. Post-breakup is the best time to pull out all the stops for yourself because you’ll need all the self-love you can get. Once you put yourself first, it’ll be easier to continue doing so and you’ll think less about the person you used to put your energy into.
  5. Reconnect with people you lost touch with during your relationship. It’s not a fun fact, but when people get into relationships, they lose touch with old friends. If you used to flirt with a particular guy on Instagram all the time when you were single or hang out with people outside of your close-friends circle, pick those people back up. Getting in touch with those you had fallen off with will help.
  6. Start a new workout routine. Exercise makes people feel better mentally because it induces the production of happy feel-good chemicals. Even if you kept up with your workout regimen when you were in a relationship, it’s good to throw something new into the mix. The variety will help bring you out of the post-breakup slump and the happy juices will continue to flow.
  7. Have a carefree night. Breakups can often be caused by a reliance on routine. The adventurous spur-of-the-moment adventures you used to have may have been put on the back burner for planned stay-at-home movie nights and snacks galore. Do something spontaneous and live like it’s the last night of your life just for one night. It will help reinvigorate and recharge your lust for life.
  8. Get back in touch with your hobbies. Even if you continued to read like it was going out of style throughout your relationship, when you break up with someone, you’ll want to push yourself headfirst into the things you love doing for no other reason than they bring you joy. Read in the park, on the way to work, or all damn weekend if you want. Whatever it is that you love to do, do more of it.
  9. Look at it as a lesson. It can be difficult to rid yourself of feelings of failure after a relationship ended. They weren’t the one for you, and that’s okay. Take stock of the time you spent with your ex and take lessons away from what you did, what they did, and how you want to move forward with a potential future love interest. Tough times spawn inner growth, after all.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.