How To Stay Interested Even After The Chase Is Over

You don’t have him yet, but you will — and after you’ve collected your prize, that’s it. The thrill of the game is over, and all you want to do is play again with someone new. Turns out, that’s not actually a healthy way to live. Here’s how to move past the thrill of the chase into real relationship territory:

  1. Stop fearing commitment. The reality is that if you don’t want to end up alone, you’ll have to get over your aversion to commitment. Casual dating will only keep you satisfied for so long. Eventually you’ll want more, but will you be too afraid to have it?
  2. Find confidence. Are you afraid that when you finally commit to someone, they won’t like the real you? During the chase, you’re putting on your game face, showing the best version of yourself that you think he’d like. It’s not the real you, at least not entirely, and only after you can be happy and confident in your true self will you be able to commit.
  3. Stop taking the easy way out.The chase in all its glory is kind of lazy. Real relationships take hard work, so stop procrastinating on your happily ever after. Filling your life with chasing random guys is just wasting time. Find something real by seeing things through, even when times get tough.
  4. Learn to lean on others. It’s great that you’re an independent woman, but every once in while, it’s OK to be dependent on another person. A relationship is a partnership, so you have to be able to rely on one another. When the baggage is too much to carry, share the load.
  5. Quit the competition. It isn’t you versus the rest of the female population — there are plenty of men to go around. You’re playing the wrong game. Men aren’t trophies for your mantle. You’ve only truly won when you reach the finish line hand in hand with your true love.
  6. Find a new adrenaline rush. The thrill of the chase keeps you going. Without it, you might feel bored and empty… or so you think. Have you ever thought of getting your rush a different way? Exercise, work, even video games can be a great high. Soon enough, you’ll get over the chase and find thrill in just being with the one person you love.
  7. Delight in the firsts. When everything is new, it’s exciting, but once that dies down, you get bored. You miss the firsts, but what you’re forgetting is that life never runs out of firsts. There will be the first kiss, the first time you have sex, your first weekend together, your first trip, first house, first kid, and the list goes on and on.
  8. Change your challenge. Pursue a new guy and get that player to fall for you? Sure, that’s a challenge. Do you know what the real challenge is, though? Loving the same person for 50+ years and committing to one person every single day. The real heroes of the dating world are the couples who’ve found happiness for a lifetime.
  9. Find your self-worth. You don’t need a plethora of guys in the experience section of your dating resume to feel good about yourself. You shouldn’t need a man to give your life worth. Until you realize that you deserve to be loved, you’ll keep pushing love away.
  10. Make yourself emotionally available. If you never get to the commitment stage of the relationship, then you never give yourself the chance to fully let someone in. Are you even ready for that? Maybe you push guys away because you’re afraid to let them in. Before you can fully be with someone else, you have to heal yourself. Stop chasing guy after guy and focus on yourself instead.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.