Things are going so well in your relationship. You’re on the same page about the major stuff in life and you’re crazy about each other. So why does it feel like suddenly he’s moving further and further away from you? Guys pull this move for any number of reasons, from a fear of commitment to trauma from past experiences in relationships. However, that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. Here’s how to stop him from pulling away so you can keep building something amazing together.
Offer patience and compassion. Chances are, his reasons for pulling away don’t actually have anything to do with you personally. Maybe he’s super stressed at work or he’s still nursing some hurt from what went down with his ex. What he needs now is a bit of compassion and understanding. Give him time to feel his feelings and offer understanding for what he’s going through. The more comfortable you make him feel to work through whatever’s going on inside him, the more likely you are to get through it as a couple.
Don’t get paranoid or needy. It would be easy to freak out as soon as you notice a bit of distance from you, but you can’t stop him from pulling away by getting paranoid or desperate. Don’t accuse him of cheating or suddenly not liking you anymore because it’s been a few days of lukewarm behavior from him. Don’t start hanging all over him and blowing up his phone 24/7 when you’re not together because you can’t deal with the fact that you think something’s up. These moves will only backfire.
Give him a little space. If he’s trying to take some space from you/the relationship, give him it. After all, no couple can be together all the time and trying to force the issue will likely have the opposite effect. If he just wants some time to play video games, hang out with his bros, and bask in his bachelor lifestyle, let him. In a few days, he’ll probably get over it and realize that life with you in it is a lot more fun.
Let him know where you stand. While you know there’s nothing you can do to stop him from pulling away, that doesn’t mean you have to be a passive bystander in the relationship. Give him space and offer him patience, but also let him know that you’re interested in being in a real relationship and won’t just wait around forever while he figures his issues out. Say it once and leave it at that – don’t harp on about it. Once you’ve made your point, the ball is in his court.
Do your own thing. While he’s busy pulling away from you, this is the perfect time for you to do your own thing and have a great time doing it. You have some amazing friends who would love to hang out with you and some big career goals that need pursuing. He’ll either get over himself and come back to you or you’ll move on to bigger and better things. And if that happens, oh well – his loss!
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