How To Take Charge In Your Relationship And Get Your Power Back

Being stuck in a relationship where you have no power is emotionally draining. When you can’t take charge, you end up taking whatever is thrown at you. It’s difficult to find the strength to stand up for yourself and look after yourself when you’re trapped in a relationship that overwhelms you. But luckily, you can take the power back with a few simple steps. Here’s how to take charge in your relationship.

  1. Communicate your thoughts and feelings. It’s difficult to be in charge of anything without being honest. The first step in taking charge of your relationship is being open about your thoughts and feelings. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind and be honest about what’s going on with you. You can’t control how they react, but you can take the first step in putting your thoughts and feelings out there.
  2. Engage in self-love. Before you take charge of your relationship, you have to set the right foundations. You won’t be able to get the power back within your relationship if you’re struggling with low self-esteem. So show yourself some kindness. Engage in small acts of self-care to remind yourself that you deserve the best and you won’t settle for anything less. Treat yourself the way you want your partner to treat you.
  3. Address the issues that are bothering you. Every relationship has its issues. Rather than pretending they’re not there, you can take charge by acknowledging them. And then confronting them. Address whatever problems arise between you, rather than sweeping them under the rug. They probably won’t go away on their own, so have a conversation with your partner, even if it’s difficult, about a solution.
  4. Own up to your mistakes. We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human and it’s okay! Hiding those mistakes and pretending that you’re perfect won’t help you to take charge in your relationship. Your partner is likely to have more respect for you if you admit when you’ve messed up. Plus, once you’ve owned up to a mistake, you can move on to solving the problem. If you act like you’re perfect and won’t take responsibility for your mistakes, it’s’ super difficult to have a healthy relationship.
  5. Set clear boundaries. When taking charge of your relationship, it’s important to set clear boundaries. Get clear on what you’re comfortable with and what definitely makes you uncomfortable. Communicate those clearly with your partner so you both understand what the boundaries are. While sometimes being in a relationship can push you out of your comfort zone, you shouldn’t feel like you’re constantly being tested.
  6. Keep your independence. Taking control of your own life will help you to take control of your relationship too. Depending on your partner for every little thing will lead you to lose your power. Instead, try to keep your independence so you don’t have to rely on your partner. When you can take care of yourself, your relationship won’t be a crutch to help you get through life. And then you can approach it from a place of power.
  7. Withstand the pressure. Move through your relationship at your own pace and try to withstand the pressure. You might find pressure coming at you from within the relationship to reach certain milestones before you’re ready, such as an engagement or moving in together. Or you might experience that pressure from outside, from your family or friends. Stand your ground and remember that no one can tell you what to do with regard to your relationship.
  8. Be a little selfish. Relationships do involve a little selflessness. Obviously, when you love someone, you think of their needs and want them to be happy. But it’s important to remember your needs too. Don’t let the relationship get to the stage where it’s all about your partner and your needs are ignored. That kind of imbalance is the opposite of having control and taking charge in your relationship. So it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. You matter too. While you’ll have to compromise sometimes, don’t forget that your needs and wants are just as important as your partner’s.
  9. Remember that you’re equals. The most important thing to remember is that you and your partner are equals. It is not a parent-child relationship where they have the right to tell you what to do. Obviously, considering your partner’s feelings is always important. But you don’t need their permission. While you’ll have open discussions, you don’t have to wait for them to say it’s okay before you make your own decisions. You’re a team and you should always operate as a team!
  10. Know your deal-breakers. If you know what your deal-breakers are, then you’ll be less likely to settle. Be clear on what you will and won’t tolerate. That way, if anything happens that is unacceptable, you’ll know in your heart that it’s not okay and you won’t stand for it. When the relationship isn’t good, then taking charge can also mean having the power to end it.
Vanessa Locampo is an Aussie writer who’s equally obsessed with YA fiction and pasta. Her time is divided between writing all the things, reading all the things, listening to Queen, and bopping her cat on the nose. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing and has written for sites including and Discovering Montana, and currently works as an editor at Glam. You can keep up with her on Instagram @vanessaellewrites.