Relationships are tricky, fickle things and they take time to settle into a new rhythm. No matter how much experience you have, they’re different every time. You have to accept that and be ready to learn and adapt. Here’s how to take control of your relationship and maintain it in the long term.
- Communicate. Do I write this in every article? Yes. Is that because it’s universal? Also yes. Communication in relationships is the base level of expected behaviors. If you aren’t telling your partner what you need from them or asking what they need from you, how are you serving each other? You aren’t. This becomes a breeding ground for resentment and stress. Don’t let that happen. It’s such an easy fix. Get into good habits about expressing your boundaries and expectations. Have regular relationship check-ins. Make sure you’re on the same page to ensure long-term love. Even if you have to tell your partner that you’re not happy anymore, these are still brave conversations that help you grow as people.
- Be adventurous. I don’t just mean in the bedroom, although it doesn’t hurt. Think about new ways that you can find enrichment in your relationship and personal development because that second stage is key. Make sure you’re working on yourself as well. You’ll feel calmer and more at ease with yourself, and this will ensure that you don’t feel stuck in who you are. It allows for more flexibility. Remember that you’re responsible for your own happiness, no one else. Once you live your life with that mantra, you will feel much more in control.
- Be open to therapy. I know that the idea of therapy can be daunting to some people, but trust me, it’s worth it. We need to all stop banking on therapy as this big, scary, or silly thing that makes no difference. That’s bull – it’s such a huge help to have an unbiased person whose job is literally to listen to you. They have no ulterior motive and they won’t judge you. You can approach therapy individually or as a couple. You won’t look back once you start. It’s great emotional scaffolding. There are so many types of therapy out there too – you’ll soon find the right fit for you.
- Involve your friends. No sustainable relationship ever survived by isolating itself. You should always be well-rounded individuals with different groups of friends. Enjoying spending time with other people doesn’t mean that you love your partner any less. What it does do is ensure that you don’t put all your eggs in one basket and neglect people who are really important to you. Take control by not allowing yourself to be entirely dependent on him.
- Go on a mini-break. This doesn’t have to break the bank. You don’t need to overthink it. Just focus on what you want to do with your free time and maximize that. Share that time with your loved one. Be true to yourself and you will find it easier to prioritize other things. Compromise is a mode of control. It may not seem like it, but it is.
- Plan time together and apart. Make sure you have an enriching, interesting, and valuable plan, whether you are together or apart. Don’t be one of those people that transplants all the things you used to do with friends into a way to spend time with your partner. Particularly when they don’t really care about the show or concert. Make sure you are excited to spend a day with all the people in your life, not just your partner. This will help you regain control.
- Find enrichment outside of your partner. Not only should you look for ways to constantly enrich your life, but you should feel connected to it too. Find ways of expanding your hobbies and interests. Don’t stress about being the best at them, just fill your life with things you enjoy. You won’t feel the pressure of a relationship as much if it isn’t the only thing going on in your life.
- Anticipate problems. Don’t just resort to fighting when resentment builds up. Anticipate your problems to resolve them. You will all communicate and articulate your emotions much more efficiently.
In short: be open to learning about yourself and your partner. Don’t spread yourself too thin. Keep your friends in the loop, and make sure you’re always having fun!
