Sometimes, no matter how badly you want it to work, your relationship naturally comes to an end. You wake up one day and realize that something has changed and there’s simply no way to reignite the spark. The guy who used to bring you so much joy no longer makes you happy. You know it’s time to let him know that you no longer have feelings for him, but you’re wondering how to it without hurting him too much. Here’s how to break up with him in the least awkward way possible.
- Prepare what you’re going to say in advance. Sadly, there’s going to be a lot of awkwardness and pain when you have this conversation. If you go into it unprepared, you might end up saying something you regret. It’s better to put your thoughts together ahead of time. Sort through your emotions and brace yourself for his reaction. What do you want to say to him? Why are you ending things with him? Practice your speech a few times before beginning the conversation.
- Do it in person. Unless your boyfriend has a history of violence or you strongly suspect that he’ll try to harm you, he deserves the dignity of being told the relationship is over in person. I know it’s easier to hide behind a text or a phone call, but it’s also impersonal and a tad cruel. As difficult as the conversation might be for you, it’s probably going to be a lot harder on him. Giving him the news face-to-face can soften the blow.
- Choose a private and comfortable setting. Since you’re the one ending things, you have the upper hand in the situation. You need to level the playing field by picking somewhere to have the conversation that’s comfortable for him. It should be a private place unless you’re worried about your safety. Pick somewhere that’s not noisy or busy. A place where you can both sit alone, talk freely, vent, or cry if you need to works best.
- Express how you feel as clearly as possible. Rather than telling him outright that you don’t love him anymore, try explaining how your feelings have changed. Tell them why you feel things aren’t working anymore and that you don’t think you can be the partner they deserve. Be honest about what’s going on in your heart. Even if it hurts, he’ll appreciate not being given some vague, BS reason.
- Be polite but firm. Don’t list all the mistakes he’s made that might have led to this point. The goal is to break up with him not to crush his soul and destroy his will to live. Remember to be kind and gentle. Try to end things on a good note. If you enjoyed the moments you spent with him, let him know that. Make him feel appreciated. Listen to what he has to say and be as gracious as you can.
- Stick to your decision. There’s a good chance he’ll try to convince you to change your mind and give the relationship another go, so you need to stay strong. Let him have his emotional outbursts, anger, denial, shrieks, shouting, and bargaining, and try to keep your cool through it all. Remember why you’re walking away. You might feel guilty about your decision, but trust your gut and do what’s best for you.
- Don’t say more than is necessary. You don’t owe your soon-to-be-ex a detailed explanation of what went wrong in your relationship and offering that won’t change anything. Just because he wants to know exactly why you don’t love him anymore and how it happened doesn’t mean you have to answer. Unless your goal is to repair the relationship and keep dating him, telling him it isn’t working for you anymore should be enough.
- Try not to assign blame. Playing the blame game can cause things to turn ugly really quickly. Ending a relationship is hard enough as it is without adding unnecessary resentment and bitterness to the mix. Don’t accuse your boyfriend of being responsible for the breakup. Instead, use neutral language that makes it seem like it’s no one’s fault. If he tries to point fingers, make it clear that it’s a pointless exercise.
- Embrace your feelings about the breakup. Even though you’re the one opting out, breakups can be devastating. It’s okay to be hurt, angry, sad, and full of tears. Own up to your feelings. Let him see that the relationship meant something to you too. That you’re not just throwing it away for no reason. Don’t bottle up your emotions and pretend like you don’t care when you do.
- Don’t give him false hope. If you know in your heart that you’re never going to get back together with him again, don’t make it seem like that’s an option. It’s a mean thing to do and it won’t be fair to him. Be honest and upfront about your intentions. Don’t give him hope that there might be a future for you both down the line when you know there isn’t. If the relationship can’t be saved, make that clear. Rip off the bandaid once and for all.
- Resist the urge to offer your hand in friendship. Seeing as I have wanted to slap and choke the life out of every ex whoever said they still wanted us to be friends after breaking up with me, I can tell you that he’s not going to appreciate the gesture. What he wants is to be with you, not to be your friend. You can’t console him by offering friendship, so don’t suggest it. Let him have the time and space to grieve and move on. If a friendship blooms between you afterward, great. If not, be at peace with that.
