How To Tell If A Guy Is Using You

There’s nothing worse than feeling taken advantage of, and sadly, it can happen in any type of relationship — not just a romantic one. The good news is that there are pretty obvious signs your partner is using you. So if you’re on the fence, or questioning your entire relationship, here’s how you can tell.

  1. You lend him money a lot. He’s never repaid you, but he’s promised to. As a general rule for yourself, you should try not to lend anyone money unless you know it’s for a serious emergency. If your guy asks for $10 but then that turned into $20 and then $50, he’s after your cash. Especially if he’s spending the money on things like fast food, alcohol, or other non-essentials. Stop being his personal bank.
  2. He never sets plans in advance. Either you’re the one to schedule things or he calls you late on Friday since something else fell through. You should never be someone’s Plan B, especially if the two of you are dating. A nice guy will make you a priority and not an afterthought. Ditch him and find someone who’s a little more reliable.
  3. He doesn’t call you his girlfriend. You sleep together, you hang out together, and you may have even met his friends before, but he’s still really hesitant to call you his girlfriend. And that’s because he’s really not that into you. He doesn’t mind having you around and probably enjoys being treated like a boyfriend without putting any of the work in. But if he tells you he’s “not looking to settle down,” believe him. You’ll likely want to demote him in your life as a “friends with benefits” arrangement.
  4. You’ve noticed a ton of his stuff is at your house. If he seemingly leaves a lot of his stuff around your place, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship. Is he over a lot? Does he offer to pay rent? Does he use up your things? If so, he may be using you for a free place to live. It’s one thing to be an established couple and share items. It’s another for a guy to make himself at home yet refuse to take any of the responsibility.
  5. Your relationship seems to be solely about sex. Pandemic aside, the two of you aren’t doing anything except for sleeping together. He never wants to go out with you. In fact, things have just gotten dull and boring. You’re not a girlfriend, just a hookup he likes. And if you’re hoping to get more out of the relationship, you may be waiting for a long time.
  6. He’s flirted with your friends before. Everyone should know that flirting with others while you’re in a relationship is a bad idea. But if he flirts with your friends? He’s really showing you that he doesn’t have a lot of respect for you. And, he may also be egotistical enough to think that one of your friends will sabotage her connection with you to be with him.
  7. He calls you names. When a guy is using you, he may also be abusing you. Nobody deserves to be mocked, yelled at, or treated as a lesser than. Don’t believe what he’s saying — you can find better than him, and he knows that. That’s why he may be manipulating you to believe that you can’t. This relationship is unhealthy for plenty of different reasons. Get out, and don’t be afraid to let friends — or even higher authority, if you think he may be dangerous — help you to get out of the relationship once and for all.
  8. He forgets details you tell him. Some people just have bad memories. And usually, when they do, they’re apologetic over forgetting something important. A guy who uses you just for his benefit really doesn’t care what you’re doing over the weekend, or what purchases you made online. So, he’s probably going to purposefully tune you out. If you constantly feel like you’re talking to a wall, it’s time to drop this guy.
  9. He won’t attend any big events with you. Whether it’s a family party or a best friend’s wedding, this guy doesn’t want to be your plus one. Even if he goes, he might make it clear that he’s not happy about it. This isn’t the kind of guy who’s looking for anything real or long-term. He’s also showing that he has no problem talking you out of family events. If he won’t act like your boyfriend, he’s probably not your boyfriend. Find someone who’ll be ecstatic to go, and will also get you out on the dancefloor.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.